Reality
Being back in reality sucks.
I know it’s not easy for anyone out there to understand what I’m going through at the moment.
It’s not even easy for me to get my head around this.
Went back to work on Monday.. Clearly not ready for it..
But had to.. I hate feeling helpless and like I’m not doing well enough.
Another thing that gets to me is when people ask me “How are you?”.
Makes me want to scream.
People in work don’t know why I was off. And I don’t want to tell them.
Just gets to me when people say “cheer up”, “it’s not that bad”..
If they only knew…
I feel like giving up.. But I can’t.. I can’t let people down..
I can’t afford giving up. I need this job to pay for bills, food etc.
Can’t talk to anyone about this.. They won’t understand.
I just want to be “normal” again. I want to be happy again.
Don’t want to feel like the world is collapsing around me.
I’m fighting the urge to just lay down and cry.
I am trying to be strong. For me..
Just wish people understood..
Missunderstood
No one understands what I'm going through now :(
I have so much pressure on me to be all happy and nice..
But I can't!
I wish it was that simple..
I don't want to be a complete bitch..
But I can't control it...
I'm not making any excuses for myself.
I feel so missunderstood.
I need people to be patient with me, but I guess I've pushed some too far.
Can't expect people to understand something that I can barely understand myself..
Going to take a step back and breathe.
No games for a few days and try and enjoy my birthday.
When I am being difficult it's not because I want to!
I am just not myself entirely at the moment..
I have so much pressure on me to be all happy and nice..
But I can't!
I wish it was that simple..
I don't want to be a complete bitch..
But I can't control it...
I'm not making any excuses for myself.
I feel so missunderstood.
I need people to be patient with me, but I guess I've pushed some too far.
Can't expect people to understand something that I can barely understand myself..
Going to take a step back and breathe.
No games for a few days and try and enjoy my birthday.
When I am being difficult it's not because I want to!
I am just not myself entirely at the moment..
Lost
I want to write about what's going on with me at the moment, but I can't..
I feel lost.
I feel lost.
Stress
I have not been writing anything the last few days...
Why?
Because I'm really stressed and down at the moment.
Not been able to sleep properly for about 2 weeks..
I've been trying to go on like everything is normal.
Tried to "ignore" the signs of stress ie really bad stomach pains..
Kept going to work and tried doing my job..
But I could not concentrate. I started snapping at my friends and collegues.
Also let it out on people I care about a lot..
Tuesday evening while I was in work I broke down crying.. For no reason at all.
I guess my body/mind & soul had had enough..
So I have been off work for 2 days and tried to relax.
Do nothing.. It's not what I usually do.. But sometimes you need to stop and listen to your body..
Before it goes out of hand and you get really ill.
Going to see my doctor tomorrow and see what I can do to feel better.
I already know a few things that I have to change.
I'll be fine :) I'm a strong person, but even happy/strong Karro/Ciri needs a down period too :)
Exactly how I feel..
Why?
Because I'm really stressed and down at the moment.
Not been able to sleep properly for about 2 weeks..
I've been trying to go on like everything is normal.
Tried to "ignore" the signs of stress ie really bad stomach pains..
Kept going to work and tried doing my job..
But I could not concentrate. I started snapping at my friends and collegues.
Also let it out on people I care about a lot..
Tuesday evening while I was in work I broke down crying.. For no reason at all.
I guess my body/mind & soul had had enough..
So I have been off work for 2 days and tried to relax.
Do nothing.. It's not what I usually do.. But sometimes you need to stop and listen to your body..
Before it goes out of hand and you get really ill.
Going to see my doctor tomorrow and see what I can do to feel better.
I already know a few things that I have to change.
I'll be fine :) I'm a strong person, but even happy/strong Karro/Ciri needs a down period too :)
Exactly how I feel..
Escapes
A friend of mine gave me the idea for this post (thank you F).
We all have a life full of daily routines and responsibilities.
Things that sometimes make our lives stressful and difficult.
So it's nice to have something to escape to.
It can be somewhere you like to go on your own or something you do.
One of my escapes (as well as my friend and probably a lot more people out there)
is online gaming.
We spend hours playing a game with people we have not met,
but we know we have something in common with.
Gaming for me is a place to hide from reality.
Something that makes me forget about my troubles
and about tomorrow.
(Click on the pictures to make them bigger)
(My favourite game)
Another escape is a place where I like to go when I need relaxation from my hectic life.
It's a place in town called the Urbis. There is a patch of grass there and I like to sit there
(when it's warm enough) and I look at all the people around me.
So many different people in one place doing the same thing as I.
Just being.
Daydreaming is probably my favourite escape.
I imagine myself being something great and I am completely happy with myself and who I am.
Just nice to be able to dream away.
Imagine being somewhere warm. Laying in a field just looking up at the blue sky. 
Books have also been an escape for me all my life.
I remember when I used to go into one of our "spare rooms" (kinda like a wardrobe)
and I sat in there for hours reading the "adventures of Tintin" hehe.
Imagining I was a part of the adventures. Loved it :D
Do you have an escape?
Tell me where or what you do when you need to escape from reality for a moment.
You can do it anonymously ;)
Worrying
I have a friend that I care so much about.
Who has been there for me when I've needed him the most.
He believes in me and makes me realise my true potential.
We have had our differences, but we always work it out.
I trust him 100% and I know that he would tell me exactly what he thinks without a doubt.
The problem is that I’ve not heard from him for a couple of weeks now.
He sent me a text saying he had to go away, but that he would be back..
Something happened shortly before he sent me that text..
And I think that’s got to do with why he has “gone away”.
I wish I knew more.. I can’t stop worrying about him.
He is one of the kindest persons I’ve ever known.
I just hope he knows I think of him and I hope that he will come back soon.
If you are reading this wherever you are.. Please let me know you are ok.
”Twinkle toes”
List
I did this list in June, but I thought I could do it again :)
Mood: Quite happy and content :)
Clothes: My new black sweater (I adore!) with puffy sleeves :D and my grey skirt with a zip,
black tights and some nice black low heeled shoes.
Hairdo: My japanese boy bob :P
Doing: Working.
Wanting: Another week home in Sweden.
Hear: Some silly song.
Will: Make some major changes in my life.
Should: Go home and unpack and get a really special blog post sorted out and posted.Tonight!
Yesterday: I was still back home in Sweden with all my loved ones :)
Today: I am back in rainy Manchester, but got loveli memories to keep me company.
Tomorrow: I am hoping that I will start with some of the changes I want to make.
Waiting for: X-mas? Haha :) (When I go back home again!)
Wishing: For something very little,but oh so precious. One day..
Wondering: If it will happen.
Mood: Quite happy and content :)
Clothes: My new black sweater (I adore!) with puffy sleeves :D and my grey skirt with a zip,
black tights and some nice black low heeled shoes.
Hairdo: My japanese boy bob :P
Doing: Working.
Wanting: Another week home in Sweden.
Hear: Some silly song.
Will: Make some major changes in my life.
Should: Go home and unpack and get a really special blog post sorted out and posted.Tonight!
Yesterday: I was still back home in Sweden with all my loved ones :)
Today: I am back in rainy Manchester, but got loveli memories to keep me company.
Tomorrow: I am hoping that I will start with some of the changes I want to make.
Waiting for: X-mas? Haha :) (When I go back home again!)
Wishing: For something very little,but oh so precious. One day..
Wondering: If it will happen.
Day job versus passion
We are not all blessed with good fortune.
Imagine a world where you could work with what you enjoy the most and make a living on it.
Some (very rare) people do have all that, but us mere mortals, we have to get used to the "day job" and deal with it.
The bills wont get paid with Monopoly money unfortunately.
And sometimes you have to settle with having your passion as a hobby.
My passion is writing. I can't say I'm a talent. I know I got a lot to learn when it comes to writing, but it does not stop
me from doing it.
Another passion of mine is languages. I have an ability to learn new languages quite easily.
Some people tell me I should work with that talent, but it is easier said than done.
How many of us are stuck in a day job that we hate just because we are too "comfortable" with it?
It's easier to just go along with it rather than do what we really want to.
It's too risky to quit the day job (especially these days) and chase your dreams.
I have had enough of my day job, but I am doing something about it.
I'm going to start a writing course in October and hopefully write a novel one day.
Who knows, I might end up writing books for a living ;)
I might not even write one.
But I am not going to think "what if?"
You should not settle with what ifs in life.
I rather have tried and failed than not tried at all.
Imagine a world where you could work with what you enjoy the most and make a living on it.
Some (very rare) people do have all that, but us mere mortals, we have to get used to the "day job" and deal with it.
The bills wont get paid with Monopoly money unfortunately.
And sometimes you have to settle with having your passion as a hobby.
My passion is writing. I can't say I'm a talent. I know I got a lot to learn when it comes to writing, but it does not stop
me from doing it.
Another passion of mine is languages. I have an ability to learn new languages quite easily.
Some people tell me I should work with that talent, but it is easier said than done.
How many of us are stuck in a day job that we hate just because we are too "comfortable" with it?
It's easier to just go along with it rather than do what we really want to.
It's too risky to quit the day job (especially these days) and chase your dreams.
I have had enough of my day job, but I am doing something about it.
I'm going to start a writing course in October and hopefully write a novel one day.
Who knows, I might end up writing books for a living ;)
I might not even write one.
But I am not going to think "what if?"
You should not settle with what ifs in life.
I rather have tried and failed than not tried at all.
Letter to a 20-year old me
I got the idea of writing a letter to myself from another blogger called Marie. I thought it was a great idea.
This is what I wrote.
Don't cry little one,he wont hurt you much longer. I know it's hard to leave him and move on. But you will become stronger and fight back. You will realise your own worth and leave the pain behind you. You will be able to look into the mirror and see how beautiful you really are.
You are scared of being alone,but being with someone who makes your life a living hell is worse. The bruises he leaves on your body will faint and disappear,but they will leave emotional scars forever. Run now and become who you are supposed to be. A happy, loving person who believes in hope,love and happiness.
I want to tell you not to worry about life too much,especially love. You will fall in love,be loved and lose the ones you love. There will be times when it seems like there is no point to go on, to try and find love again,
but you will meet the most amazing man in the world. Who will love you and care for you like no one else.
Trust me!
Don't argue with your mum,yes she does get on your nerves sometimes (most times),but she is almost always right in what she says. She cares about you and wants the best for you. One day you will be able to talk to her without raising your voices and you will feel closer to her.
Don't hate yourself for what you will have to do. I know it was not your choice to do it. They made the decision for you. I know it is the worst thing that will happen to you.. Even worse than what he did to you. But one day you will have what you want, with someone who wants it as much as you do.
Don't trust everyone you meet and who might be nice to you. They don't all want the best for you.
Don't let others use you!
People will want you to give up your true self to please them,but don't give up on your own happiness to please others! Be selfish! It will save you a lot of heartache.
Don't let them take you for granted. Tell people how you feel and if you don't like something say NO.
Don't cry over those silly boys. Let them cry over you. Be happy and have fun,be a proud,young and independent woman. Don't let anyone mess you about. If he does not want to be with you there and then, he probably never will.
Keep smiling girl,even when life looks dark and there is so much going against you. Have hope that things will get better, there is always hope for you young one. Don't give up.
Remember that there is only one life and we are here to live it fully and completely.
Dream about the impossible,because your dreams will come true.
Hang in there...
This is what I wrote.
Don't cry little one,he wont hurt you much longer. I know it's hard to leave him and move on. But you will become stronger and fight back. You will realise your own worth and leave the pain behind you. You will be able to look into the mirror and see how beautiful you really are.
You are scared of being alone,but being with someone who makes your life a living hell is worse. The bruises he leaves on your body will faint and disappear,but they will leave emotional scars forever. Run now and become who you are supposed to be. A happy, loving person who believes in hope,love and happiness.
I want to tell you not to worry about life too much,especially love. You will fall in love,be loved and lose the ones you love. There will be times when it seems like there is no point to go on, to try and find love again,
but you will meet the most amazing man in the world. Who will love you and care for you like no one else.
Trust me!
Don't argue with your mum,yes she does get on your nerves sometimes (most times),but she is almost always right in what she says. She cares about you and wants the best for you. One day you will be able to talk to her without raising your voices and you will feel closer to her.
Don't hate yourself for what you will have to do. I know it was not your choice to do it. They made the decision for you. I know it is the worst thing that will happen to you.. Even worse than what he did to you. But one day you will have what you want, with someone who wants it as much as you do.
Don't trust everyone you meet and who might be nice to you. They don't all want the best for you.
Don't let others use you!
People will want you to give up your true self to please them,but don't give up on your own happiness to please others! Be selfish! It will save you a lot of heartache.
Don't let them take you for granted. Tell people how you feel and if you don't like something say NO.
Don't cry over those silly boys. Let them cry over you. Be happy and have fun,be a proud,young and independent woman. Don't let anyone mess you about. If he does not want to be with you there and then, he probably never will.
Keep smiling girl,even when life looks dark and there is so much going against you. Have hope that things will get better, there is always hope for you young one. Don't give up.
Remember that there is only one life and we are here to live it fully and completely.
Dream about the impossible,because your dreams will come true.
Hang in there...
Major
Things are happening to me now...
Don't want to go into too many details.
I don't want to jinx myself :)
But at the moment it is looking good for us.
Had some good news last night.
Tonight I'm going for something that might change things for me,
same thing tomorrow..
That's all I'm saying at this moment...
Finally
I have finally figured out what I want to do,finally realised what I might be good at.
I have decided to do a writing course :)
I love writing and I have been writing stories since I was a young girl.
They were not major stories, most of them were silly :)
I have had a crazy imagination since I can remember.
I still write on anything I can find around me.
Most of the time it's envelopes haha (at work) or pieces of paper/books etc.
I write thoughts and ideas I might have that pop up in my head :P
But also about how I feel and things that have happened to me before or now.
With some help and advice from a friend of mine (thank you!) I found an online writing course called "start writing fiction".
It is a level 1 course where you get help and advice how to become a better writer.
It sounds really interesting and I am excited about it :)
The course starts in October so I got a couple of months to really think of some stories before it starts.
It is not a long course, only 12 weeks long and I hope I will get real genuine advice from the tutor and other "students".
And if I think that writing is something for me, then I might do the next level course called "creative writing" which is a more in depth course and it costs loads...It does not start till June next year, so I will have time to save up! :D
Who knows, I might end up writing a novel ;)
A really good friend of mine has always encouraged me to write and gave me the idea to go for this writing course.
That person is someone who has always been interested in my stories, thoughts and feelings. Who gave me more confidence in my writing and also made me want to become a better person.
Thank you, for always being there to listen to my problems (sorry!).
For cheering me up when I needed it, but also for making me realise my own potential :)
If I ever write a novel I will dedicate it to you!
Twinkle toes ;)
This blog was at first, a way for me to let my old "friends" in Sweden keep in touch with me. So they could follow my new life in Manchester. But as the time has passed I have realised how much I enjoy writing and it has made me open up more. To my own feelings and thoughts and it makes me happy to know that my blog might make people laugh and maybe even help others who are in the same situation I am in or have been.
I have decided to do a writing course :)
I love writing and I have been writing stories since I was a young girl.
They were not major stories, most of them were silly :)
I have had a crazy imagination since I can remember.
I still write on anything I can find around me.
Most of the time it's envelopes haha (at work) or pieces of paper/books etc.
I write thoughts and ideas I might have that pop up in my head :P
But also about how I feel and things that have happened to me before or now.
With some help and advice from a friend of mine (thank you!) I found an online writing course called "start writing fiction".
It is a level 1 course where you get help and advice how to become a better writer.
It sounds really interesting and I am excited about it :)
The course starts in October so I got a couple of months to really think of some stories before it starts.
It is not a long course, only 12 weeks long and I hope I will get real genuine advice from the tutor and other "students".
And if I think that writing is something for me, then I might do the next level course called "creative writing" which is a more in depth course and it costs loads...It does not start till June next year, so I will have time to save up! :D
Who knows, I might end up writing a novel ;)
A really good friend of mine has always encouraged me to write and gave me the idea to go for this writing course.
That person is someone who has always been interested in my stories, thoughts and feelings. Who gave me more confidence in my writing and also made me want to become a better person.
Thank you, for always being there to listen to my problems (sorry!).
For cheering me up when I needed it, but also for making me realise my own potential :)
If I ever write a novel I will dedicate it to you!
Twinkle toes ;)
This blog was at first, a way for me to let my old "friends" in Sweden keep in touch with me. So they could follow my new life in Manchester. But as the time has passed I have realised how much I enjoy writing and it has made me open up more. To my own feelings and thoughts and it makes me happy to know that my blog might make people laugh and maybe even help others who are in the same situation I am in or have been.
Wednesday
It's Wednesday again :D I love this day.
Middle of week, almost weekend and only 1 week till we go to Aaaameeerica :D
Another list today, thought it could be fun with some variety on here.
Mood: Bit tired,but in an ok mood.
Clothes: Grey skirt with zipper,black tights,blue top.
Hairdo: Fringe and a longer bob. (Getting it cut soon! Miss my japanese boy bob ;) haha)
Doing: At work (on my day off)
Wanting: The sun to come back.
Hear: Radio1 (don't like it..)
Will: Keep my fingers crossed at 11.20 am today ♥
Should: Be doing some bookings..
Yesterday: I was in work and the sun was scorching hot.
Today: The sun is gone and I'm only working 3.5 hours...
Tomorrow: Hmmm no plans so far.
Waiting for: next week around this time,when I will be at Manchester airport!
Wishing: That I will get what I want the most.
Wondering: If I can make it.
Middle of week, almost weekend and only 1 week till we go to Aaaameeerica :D
Another list today, thought it could be fun with some variety on here.
Mood: Bit tired,but in an ok mood.
Clothes: Grey skirt with zipper,black tights,blue top.
Hairdo: Fringe and a longer bob. (Getting it cut soon! Miss my japanese boy bob ;) haha)
Doing: At work (on my day off)
Wanting: The sun to come back.
Hear: Radio1 (don't like it..)
Will: Keep my fingers crossed at 11.20 am today ♥
Should: Be doing some bookings..
Yesterday: I was in work and the sun was scorching hot.
Today: The sun is gone and I'm only working 3.5 hours...
Tomorrow: Hmmm no plans so far.
Waiting for: next week around this time,when I will be at Manchester airport!
Wishing: That I will get what I want the most.
Wondering: If I can make it.
Thoughts
I don't know what to think about the plane that "vanished" yesterday morning.
An Air France plane flying from Brazil to France.
I can't even imagine how they would have felt knowing something bad was about to happen..
I'm travelling by plane in about one weeks time, and it does make you think.
It could happen to anyone.
I know it does not happen very often,and it does not put me off flying.
I've been flying since I was a baby.
I fly many times a year.
To Sweden,America,Spain, Italy etc.
It is normal for me to fly and I enjoy it.
But when I read the story about the flight it got to me,
it went straight through me.
I just hope the passengers did not suffer..
And that their families will get the answers they need..
An Air France plane flying from Brazil to France.
I can't even imagine how they would have felt knowing something bad was about to happen..
I'm travelling by plane in about one weeks time, and it does make you think.
It could happen to anyone.
I know it does not happen very often,and it does not put me off flying.
I've been flying since I was a baby.
I fly many times a year.
To Sweden,America,Spain, Italy etc.
It is normal for me to fly and I enjoy it.
But when I read the story about the flight it got to me,
it went straight through me.
I just hope the passengers did not suffer..
And that their families will get the answers they need..
Decisions&emptiness
I don't know what to do anymore.
With myself, my life, my job.
Everything.
Making the right decisions for myself.
Without upsetting people around me.
How am I going to do that?
I don't see how I can do it.
Decide something that would make me happy,
that would benefit me and only me.
But it would end up hurting others.
I have not been a selfish person till now.
I feel horrible that I have to be selfish.
But I have to be selfish to be able to be happy.
So one of the decisions I have made so far was hard to make.
And I don't know what will happen next,
but I know it is the right decision for me.
Emptiness is what I feel.
I can't seem to do the right thing.
I keep messing up.
When does it stop?
Why do I do it?
Want to make the pain go away.
I want to do the right thing,
for me,for others.
But all I seem to do is make it worse.
"Gdje si sada, kad te najvise trebam...
Nema te nigdje..
Trazim te svuda..
Cujem tvoj glas..
Ali kad se okrenem,
nema te..."
With myself, my life, my job.
Everything.
Making the right decisions for myself.
Without upsetting people around me.
How am I going to do that?
I don't see how I can do it.
Decide something that would make me happy,
that would benefit me and only me.
But it would end up hurting others.
I have not been a selfish person till now.
I feel horrible that I have to be selfish.
But I have to be selfish to be able to be happy.
So one of the decisions I have made so far was hard to make.
And I don't know what will happen next,
but I know it is the right decision for me.
Emptiness is what I feel.
I can't seem to do the right thing.
I keep messing up.
When does it stop?
Why do I do it?
Want to make the pain go away.
I want to do the right thing,
for me,for others.
But all I seem to do is make it worse.
"Gdje si sada, kad te najvise trebam...
Nema te nigdje..
Trazim te svuda..
Cujem tvoj glas..
Ali kad se okrenem,
nema te..."
..2 years..
Today it is 2 years since I moved to England and Manchester.
I left my family, friends and a job that I loved to be with the man I love.
(Why is it usually the woman that makes the move for a man?)
It was an easy decision at the time, but it soon dawned on me how
big the step I had made truly was.
I came to a new country without a job waiting for me, and I did not know anyone.
All of a sudden I felt so lonely.
Spent the days looking for jobs and watching day time TV (the horror)
It only took me a few weeks to find a job,
and I eventually made friends.
But it took me a very long time to think of
Manchester as "home".
It has helped that I've gone back home quite often.
And I speak to my mum every week.
We speak more now than we did while living under the same roof :p
I used to be so homesick, could cry myself to sleep many nights in a row.
I am not that bad anymore, but still get homesick from time to time.
I miss my swedish cheese haha.
And some of the candy!
But of course, most of all I miss my family.
My mum,brother and my lil sister.
Miss the rascal a lot! :)
It saddens me to know that she is growing up so fast and I can only
see her a few times a year.
But I chose this for myself.
And I am not regretting moving over.
England is a good place for me,
for now.
Who knows what is awaiting me down the road.
;)
Here is a collage with some of the pictures from the last 2 years :)
I left my family, friends and a job that I loved to be with the man I love.
(Why is it usually the woman that makes the move for a man?)
It was an easy decision at the time, but it soon dawned on me how
big the step I had made truly was.
I came to a new country without a job waiting for me, and I did not know anyone.
All of a sudden I felt so lonely.
Spent the days looking for jobs and watching day time TV (the horror)
It only took me a few weeks to find a job,
and I eventually made friends.
But it took me a very long time to think of
Manchester as "home".
It has helped that I've gone back home quite often.
And I speak to my mum every week.
We speak more now than we did while living under the same roof :p
I used to be so homesick, could cry myself to sleep many nights in a row.
I am not that bad anymore, but still get homesick from time to time.
I miss my swedish cheese haha.
And some of the candy!
But of course, most of all I miss my family.
My mum,brother and my lil sister.
Miss the rascal a lot! :)
It saddens me to know that she is growing up so fast and I can only
see her a few times a year.
But I chose this for myself.
And I am not regretting moving over.
England is a good place for me,
for now.
Who knows what is awaiting me down the road.
;)
Here is a collage with some of the pictures from the last 2 years :)
...Doing the right thing...
How do you know if you are doing the right thing?
Sometimes we don't know and we have to make
decisions based on feelings or because it might be the
easy way out.
But sometimes it's just clear to you what the right thing to do is.
If you have experience of something happening to you and
it reoccurs, then you might realise what you're doing is not the right thing at all.
It's not easy to accept that you've been wanting something that
was not yours from the start.
You might have bumped into someone that you felt a connection with instantly.
Sometimes we don't know and we have to make
decisions based on feelings or because it might be the
easy way out.
But sometimes it's just clear to you what the right thing to do is.
If you have experience of something happening to you and
it reoccurs, then you might realise what you're doing is not the right thing at all.
It's not easy to accept that you've been wanting something that
was not yours from the start.
You might have bumped into someone that you felt a connection with instantly.
Felt that there was something there that drew you to him/her.
Something unspoken.
Something wonderful.
You might not like what you have to do,
you may even regret it,
but you have to let yourself make the right decision for you.
And for the other person too.
It might not seem fair at the time,
but hopefully you will understand one day and
be happy for the times you shared.
And appreciate what you had.
You came from nowhere,
and put a smile on my face.
You lit the sparkle in me that had started fading.
Made me believe in myself.
Opened my eyes to what I want for myself.
I am greatful to you in so many ways.
Always will be.
Something unspoken.
Something wonderful.
You might not like what you have to do,
you may even regret it,
but you have to let yourself make the right decision for you.
And for the other person too.
It might not seem fair at the time,
but hopefully you will understand one day and
be happy for the times you shared.
And appreciate what you had.
You came from nowhere,
and put a smile on my face.
You lit the sparkle in me that had started fading.
Made me believe in myself.
Opened my eyes to what I want for myself.
I am greatful to you in so many ways.
Always will be.
..Judgement..
I don't like to judge other people, and I hope people don't judge me either.
People should live their lives the way they want to.
We make our own decisions in life.
People can have opinions about it,
but they should not judge others based on those opinions.
It takes me back to something I've written before. "Don't ever say never".
You may think that you could "never" do something or think in a certain way,
but you can't be sure about that.
What if circumstances changed,
you might find yourself in the same situation as the person you judged..
I might not like what someone is doing, but I don't judge,
because I don't know why the person is doing what he/she is doing.
It is quite easy to judge someone based on their appearence.
We all do that.
First impression is always based on what the person looks like,
but to judge someone before knowing the person is not fair.
People should live their lives the way they want to.
We make our own decisions in life.
People can have opinions about it,
but they should not judge others based on those opinions.
It takes me back to something I've written before. "Don't ever say never".
You may think that you could "never" do something or think in a certain way,
but you can't be sure about that.
What if circumstances changed,
you might find yourself in the same situation as the person you judged..
I might not like what someone is doing, but I don't judge,
because I don't know why the person is doing what he/she is doing.
It is quite easy to judge someone based on their appearence.
We all do that.
First impression is always based on what the person looks like,
but to judge someone before knowing the person is not fair.
..Tick..
What makes me tick?
Did not know it was such an interesting topic :p
What makes me happy and what do I want and need.
I could write a whole book about this topic, but it would just bore you :p
So this is a shortened version.
Making other people happy has been my main priority most of my life.
Being there for everyone else when they needed a shoulder to cry on.
Always put others ahead of myself and my needs.
Sure some people have been there for me too.
But not when it really counted.
When I needed them the most there was no one to be found.
No one to let me cry on their shoulder.
I took care of myself. Usually I just neglected myself.
What I want is for people to treat me with respect and not use me for their own personal needs.
There has to be both giving and taking in any relationship.
I am just tired of giving myself to others without getting anything back.
Knowing I brighten someones day makes me happy.
To know that someone values me as a friend and thinks of me.
Someone who can tell me the truth when others cant,
when I can't see the writing on the walls.
I love to love and be in love.
That is what makes me tick
. The feeling that I feel when I think of my loved ones.
That no matter what happens I will have loved and been loved.
Did not know it was such an interesting topic :p
What makes me happy and what do I want and need.
I could write a whole book about this topic, but it would just bore you :p
So this is a shortened version.
Making other people happy has been my main priority most of my life.
Being there for everyone else when they needed a shoulder to cry on.
Always put others ahead of myself and my needs.
Sure some people have been there for me too.
But not when it really counted.
When I needed them the most there was no one to be found.
No one to let me cry on their shoulder.
I took care of myself. Usually I just neglected myself.
What I want is for people to treat me with respect and not use me for their own personal needs.
There has to be both giving and taking in any relationship.
I am just tired of giving myself to others without getting anything back.
Knowing I brighten someones day makes me happy.
To know that someone values me as a friend and thinks of me.
Someone who can tell me the truth when others cant,
when I can't see the writing on the walls.
I love to love and be in love.
That is what makes me tick
. The feeling that I feel when I think of my loved ones.
That no matter what happens I will have loved and been loved.
..Pain..
I've been in pain the last four days.
It's not normally this bad :(
The pain makes me grumpy,
and I lose my inspiration.
Which is frustrating!
There is so much that I want to write about,
but I can't see clear.
Hopefully the pain will be gone by tomorrow.
Have a day off.
Going to have a walk around town and see if my inspiration will come back to me.
I've started listening to Kelly Clarkson's newest album.
And I like it! :)
Some of the songs are great.
My favourite so far is
"Long shot"
Something about that song makes me feel good.
And one of the sentences hits me.
"Why's everything got to be so intense with me"
I kinda relate to that sentence.
Not sure why.. Well I probably know, but I can't put my thoughts down
at the moment..
To be continued.... haha :)
It's not normally this bad :(
The pain makes me grumpy,
and I lose my inspiration.
Which is frustrating!
There is so much that I want to write about,
but I can't see clear.
Hopefully the pain will be gone by tomorrow.
Have a day off.
Going to have a walk around town and see if my inspiration will come back to me.
I've started listening to Kelly Clarkson's newest album.
And I like it! :)
Some of the songs are great.
My favourite so far is
"Long shot"
Something about that song makes me feel good.
And one of the sentences hits me.
"Why's everything got to be so intense with me"
I kinda relate to that sentence.
Not sure why.. Well I probably know, but I can't put my thoughts down
at the moment..
To be continued.... haha :)
..Bucket list..
If you've not seen Bucket list by now then watch it :)
It's a feel good movie that makes you think a little bit extra after it has ended.
I think I am going to make my own bucket list.
A list of things to do before I die.
I will probably add on lots more as I go.
But for now I have a few things I know I'd like to do/try/see.
1. Skydiving
- not sure if I would dare to, but I want to!
Imagine the feeling of free falling through the sky.
Would make me feel so alive.
2. To be happy with what I have achieved in my lifetime.
No matter how small it may seem to others.
3. I want to go to,
- Hawaii
- Brazil
- South Africa
-Japan
- Australia
Many more places I'd love to see!
4. Find a job that I love and be happy with what I am doing.
Not feeling pressured to take a job I don't enjoy or feel comfortable doing.
5. Have a family, and be the best mother I can be.
Always be there for them and never judge them or make
them feel like they can't talk to me about things.
6. Help people in need.
Not sure how to do this, but some kind of charity.
7. Live at the countryside!
- I want a little house in the middle of nowhere with lots of fields around
and maybe even a little river close by.
Would love to have some peace and quiet around me :)
8. I would love to live in USA one day.
- Maybe when I'm old and grey I'll be living there :p
Even if I had a chance to live there for a few years, I would!
9. Be a true friend, a loving mother and partner.
- Always be there for the people I love and care about.
Love them unconditionally.
10. Write a book.
- I want to write about my life and experiences.
Even if it never gets published I intend to write it one day.
The blog is just the start of it all :)
These are not in a specific order. I am sure I will add a lot more :)
What would be on your bucket list? :)
It's a feel good movie that makes you think a little bit extra after it has ended.
I think I am going to make my own bucket list.
A list of things to do before I die.
I will probably add on lots more as I go.
But for now I have a few things I know I'd like to do/try/see.
1. Skydiving
- not sure if I would dare to, but I want to!
Imagine the feeling of free falling through the sky.
Would make me feel so alive.
2. To be happy with what I have achieved in my lifetime.
No matter how small it may seem to others.
3. I want to go to,
- Hawaii
- Brazil
- South Africa
-Japan
- Australia
Many more places I'd love to see!
4. Find a job that I love and be happy with what I am doing.
Not feeling pressured to take a job I don't enjoy or feel comfortable doing.
5. Have a family, and be the best mother I can be.
Always be there for them and never judge them or make
them feel like they can't talk to me about things.
6. Help people in need.
Not sure how to do this, but some kind of charity.
7. Live at the countryside!
- I want a little house in the middle of nowhere with lots of fields around
and maybe even a little river close by.
Would love to have some peace and quiet around me :)
8. I would love to live in USA one day.
- Maybe when I'm old and grey I'll be living there :p
Even if I had a chance to live there for a few years, I would!
9. Be a true friend, a loving mother and partner.
- Always be there for the people I love and care about.
Love them unconditionally.
10. Write a book.
- I want to write about my life and experiences.
Even if it never gets published I intend to write it one day.
The blog is just the start of it all :)
These are not in a specific order. I am sure I will add a lot more :)
What would be on your bucket list? :)
