..Roll the dice..
and making decisions for myself. I don't always get what I expected.
If number 6 is the best to get then I'd say my luck is not the best.
I usually roll an average of 2.
Maybe I'm exaggerating :p
We make our own luck, by making the decisions we believe are right for us.
I have made quite a few mistakes in my life, but I guess it's all about learning from them.
I usually follow my heart rather than my brain.
Guess that's one of the biggest mistakes I do.
I should listen to my brain more :p
I tend to trust people too easily. I like to see the good in people, even though it might
just be what I want to see, and not what's really there.
And I usually end up getting hurt.
But maybe there is a meaning for all that.
I like to believe that me seeing the good in people is not a naive trait, but a good one.
Maybe the people that take advantage of me will one day wake up and think twice before
they hurt someone else.
I can always
:) I don't give up on people easily.. I always try to give them more chances, sometimes more
than they deserve.. But I have learnt to accept when it's time to let go.
..Expectations..
..Lower your expectations and you wont risk getting too disappointed..
People have too high expectations in life.
No matter what it may be, most people
expect too much, too fast.
And then they end up disappointed.
So if you lower your expectations from the beginning,
the risk of getting disappointed is lower.
It's not easy to change the way you're thinking.
But if you give it some time it will come natural.
We all want to be happy with things in our lives, but the only
person that can change things is ourselves.
If you find yourself in a situation where you think everything is
going perfect, but you get this feeling that it might be too good to be true..
Take a step back.
Don't over analyze things. It always makes it worse.
Just give yourself some time to enjoy the good times while they last,
because anything could happen tomorrow.
... Out Of Order ...
I've not been in the mood to blog for a few days.
Last night something horrible happened.
With a friend of mine..
Well this friend did it to himself..
I don't understand. How can I?
But I'm there for him, no matter what..
It hurts to see it happen.
Feeling so helpless..
Why don't they understand that the people they really hurt when they hurt themselves,
are the people around them.. The people who care about them..
I wish I could make you see what I see..
I wish I could take your pain away.
20-02-09
Friday! What a day.
End of the week. Woooo! :D
I have nothing planned this weekend, but that's ok.
I could use a nice quiet weekend.
This week has been enough drama for a while.
Not my own drama ( for once ).
But a friend of mine. Her life is very interesting at the moment.
And yesterday was like being in an episode of either Eastenders (english readers) or Desperate housewives (other readers) I wont go into details, but it was pretty crazy..
At least I spent some hours in Starbucks drinking my favourite cappuccino in the world :D
(while hearing the most interesting story ever, a very shocking and not too pleasant story for my dear friend)
At least now she will realise what to do (not to do) Well I hope!! OR else! (I'm sure she will read this haha)
Why do we let ourselves get used by others?
Why do we hold on to what makes us so unhappy?
Do we not realise that we deserve better and that we are the only ones that can make that decision for ourselves?
To let go of something so poisoned and destructive.
How much can a person take before he/she says "no more!"
What does it take to get to the point that you decide you are not letting it go on anymore?
I know it's different from one person to another. Different people react in different ways.
But more than once have I seen people around me "forgive" a person who keeps letting them down, who hurts them in the worst possible way. And they are still with that person, or they wish they were.
How? Why?
Love should not hurt you. It should make you happy.
Be mine...
So, that time of the year..
Valentines Day...
I don't know why, but this day makes me cringe. Haha.
No I'm not against Love or showing it. Far from.. I love LOVE!! :D
I just think you should show love ANY and EVERY day of the year.
haha love this picture :p
Valentines Day has become a day (like christmas..) when I feel like I HAVE to do something
grand or buy some exclusive gift for the one I love.
It also feels like this is the day when the woman expects to get something from the man in her life.
I would rather get a bunch of flowers or just one single rose any day, just randomly, rather than getting it THE day that they know about it! Makes it too easy for them..
Even though some of them have to spend way too much . (Or they would get a lot of grief... )
This is the one time I do feel sorry for the man :p haha
I don't think you have to go all crazy this day of the year.
Spend time with your loved one whatever way you feel is best for you.
It seems to me like some people just have to show off on this day. Make other people feel bad about their relationships.
Or lack of one. (Nothing wrong with being single on this day. Or not have a date)
Why?
Does it matter what you get?
No, what matters is that you are with someone who loves you no matter what, no matter what day of the year.
Me and Ad's are not getting any cards or things. (I've told him not to bother!)
We will go out for a meal and few drinks. But it will be like any other day.
I'm even working that day and it's my day off haha.
What I want
(But I would not say no to a pair of Jimmy Choo's haha :p it's a woman's prerogative haha)
What I want in life is more feel good things, like love ♥ and happiness. Health. Not wealth.
Yes money can make your life easier, but also more complicated.
I want to share my life with someone who loves me for me and not for what I got. (not much)
But how do I know what I want? Things change in life and so do your wishes and dreams for yourself.
I do know I want to be happy with myself, having a nice life and maybe enjoy my job haha.
At the moment I'm not very happy about myself. I feel very lazy and I don't do anything about it. I've told myself that I
need to start working out a bit, because I feel a bit down at the moment about myself. (Gained a few kg's since I started
working in an office again) . I've never been super slim, (well not since I was a teenager haha). I am the type of person that puts on weight easy but also loose it easy IF I stop eating/drinking unhealthy (but oh so lovely) things.
Nice life? Hmm that one is trickier. I want a nice place to live in. I am not happy with the current living situation, even though it means we can save money and go on nice trips all over the world. And that is what I want to do and I love it.
But I want my own place, where I can feel relaxed and enjoy being in. At the moment I am hating the flat we are in. Makes me sad and depressed sometimes.
Job? Oh lord.. I have not had a job I've enjoyed since I moved to England :/ Sad but true...
I loved my old job at 3 back home.. Would love to have a job like that here.. But I don't think I will find it.. Not here in Manhester. I want to work with swedish talking jobs, but they are all somewhere else. NOT around here. The dream would be to move to London and get a job there.. But things are not that simple.. (grrrr)
Been thinking of going to college and do a german course. Brush up on it and maybe find a job speaking german! :D would be fun and rewarding..
My life is not all doom and gloom though.
I have people around me that love and care about me. That make me smile and feel giddy :)
I know what I want, and I also know that only I can make it happen.
And I will.. Need some motivation!
Furious
I'm dead tired but that's nothing un usual.
I've tried to post Viva Las Vegas Part 3 since Friday, but it kept messing up and I lost my patience with it.
So I will TRY and sort it out later tonight.
This is where I want to be now ♥
Time,Ache
TIME PASSES. EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. EVEN
when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but it does pass.
Even for me.
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
A chapter out of the book I'm currently reading. I can relate to it.
Miss Scrooge
That is me. I don't like Christmas, I can almost say that I hate it. I have for years now. Why?? Well first of all, I don't like christmas shopping, the fact that you feel like you HAVE to buy things to everyone. If I want to buy someone something, I will. No matter what date or day it is. People have forgotten what Christmas is all about. We stopped "celebrating" it when I was about 15. Up til last year I have always spent Christmas at my dad's. Because his wife is catholic and Christmas means alot to her. So we go there for a nice dinner and "Kalle Ankas Jul" which is a program that has been going on swedish television for years and years. It is a tradition to watch it with family and friends on Christmas Eve. 
Since my sister was born I have enjoyed buying HER gifts. But I buy her things all the time :) Because I adore her ♥
It makes me so happy when I see her open all the gifts and then throw them away haha. Because it's not what is in the wrapper that is exciting for her. She just loves opening them :p Bless her. 
I don't expect any gifts or cards from anyone. I wish we could just spend the day with our loved ones and think about how blessed we are compared to other people. People that have no one to share the "holidays" with. It makes me sad to think about them. And I wish there was a way for me to give something to these people. So I have decided to donate some money to a charity of some kind. I am not quite sure which one. But I will feel happier doing that then throw my money on silly gifts. When the best gift of them all is to be with your loved ones.
Okey here comes the contradicting part of me ( haha it is never white or black with me. It is always a shade of grey!)
Last year I spent Christmas on my own. (Long story) I bought a small black X-mas tree. It was quite adorable. With silver baubles and tinsel. I am kinda looking forward to putting it in the livingroom this year too. I don't mind X-mas decorations. And I do love walking around the X-mas market's here in Manchester. So I guess I don't hate everything about it. 
One thing I'm happy about is that we will be spending the week before X-mas in Las Vegas. 
Tears,painting and chaos
My life is upside down at the moment, and I'm not sure what will happen from here..
The one thing that got my mind off things was the decorating we have started. We are painting the livingroom. And putting wallpaper on one wall. Can't wait til it's all done.
Wish I was far away. Wish I could have a brain surgery, to forget.. To start over.. Somehow? Maybe one day... Maybe...
It is all my fault. Not blaming anyone but me. Time to say goodbye to that part of my life. The evil and darkness. Not looking back.
Bit low
I did not want to go back to Manchester yesterday :( I miss Sweden more and more. Well mostly my family...
Will update some more later on today. Got loads of pictures from my mums b-day party on saturday.
And I need to take pictures of all the stuff i bought ;) hehe.
Changing the page
Behind the mask - part 1
No one is aware of the pain she is carrying deep within.
If you saw her you'd think she has no problems in the world. She hides them too well.
Always a smile on her face..
But they are so wrong. When nobody is around, she can take off the mask she has been wearing
ever since that day. The day that would change her life forever.
The day the person she thought of as a boyfriend,someone she trusted, would take advantage of her..
Do things to her that would leave scars forever.
So she walks down the streets all alone with this dark secret burning inside of her.
Not willing to share it with others. Because that would mean she has to re-live that horrible day.
Every detail of the assault.
It has been many years since that day. But it stil haunts her this day.
In her every day life. In her relationships..
She cant let a man come to close. Cant let him touch her in certain ways. Because it is too traumatic.
The man does not know why she wont let him touch her, please her.
No he does not know..
The assault left her with an empty feeling.
She did not realize what had really happened til later, much later.
It left her with no self esteem at all. She has always had problems with believing a man who
says she is beautiful. She does not see beauty when she looks in the mirror.
She sees darkness, emptiness and failure.
She does not trust men. The trust issues start within her. She does not believe she is worth loving.
And with that comes jealousy. She is jealous but not like normal people. It eats her up from within.
She makes up the worst scenarios in her head and then she tells her loved one what she believes is true.
Which eventually ruins her relationship,
because she pushes her loved ones away..
Like a ghost from the past
Enough is enough
I've decided to write about relationships.
I know i'm not an expert. But I will write down what I think and feel.
The past few weeks have been very difficult in many ways. I wont go into too many details.
But I've realised people change. Wow, I know. I should have known this! But I guess I have been
too naive to think it could happen. So I went away to do some soul searching. Came back with more
questions than answers. Guess you cant think what you want to feel. It just happens.
When you least expect it.
Why do people hang on to something that clearly is not good for them? Out of habit? Yes,most of the time.
But for how long? Why do we take crap from people who only care about themselves.And why cant we see
through it? Because we love them. Love... What a tricky thing love is. I'd call it an illusion but I know it's not.
I'ts a feeling. But how do you know if it's true or not? Do you go on loving someone who is not right for you.
Who lets you down time after time? Or do you finally let go? when is enough, enough?
Yes it hurts when u lose someone you have cared about for a long time. But you have to be strong. The pain
will disappear with time.
(To Lou)
R.I.P
"nije mjesecina to sto sja u noci, to su tvoje oci pune ljubavi"
