I have not posted anything for a few days.
I guess the last post was quite heavy and I needed a few days to think about it.

I am so greatful to you guys. For being so caring and understanding :)
It means alot to me. More than you can imagine.

I have been through a bad period lately. I've not told all of you what happened
over a month ago. I told some of you and you have all helped.
Some don't know the whole story.

I have decided to talk about it now. On here.

One Tuesday afternoon I was sat in work and tried to concentrate, but I could not.
I had not been sleeping properly for weeks. I lost concentration at work and I found myself
having troubles breathing at times. So bad that I had to leave the room and calm down.
People that usually made me laugh started to annoy me.
I was not enjoying being around my own boyfriend or my friends.
That Tuesday afternoon I just broke down. I went out of the office and called Ads.
He told me to go home. I stayed home for two days. Went to the doctor on the Friday and broke down infront of him. I could not stop crying. I did not even know why I was crying. I'm usually so strong and don't let things get to me.
The doctor diagnosed me with depression.. He told me to have 4 weeks off work, but I said "No! I can't have 4 weeks off work". Again thinking of all the people I would be letting down. And forgetting about me.
So I said 2 weeks would be enough. He gave me some anti depressants too..
I felt so lost and confused when I left the doctors and I called Ads..
He could not understand it.. How could his girlfriend be depressed?
He was not the only one though.
A friend said "But you seem so happy"..

I don't know what or how it happened. You never know with depression. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. I felt so sad and weak.

But now I have started to come back to normality.
I don't stress about things as much anymore.
I realised that I am more important than targets at work or friends with issues that I could not help with.

I usually put myself last. And that's something I've done all my life.

It's hard for me to think about me first.. But it is something I've started doing now.
I used to think that's selfish, but it's ok to be selfish sometimes.
Especially when it affects your health, then it is time to stop and think about what is right for you.

Some friends have been so supportive and understanding and I thank you all.
For being there when I needed someone to talk to, but also for not asking me how I was :)
And for understanding when I did not want to talk at all.

I'm not 100% recovered, but I know that everything will be alright in the end.

And I now know that there is nothing wrong with being depressed..
It is not something you can "snap out of".. No matter how much you wish you could.
Time is all I need. And understanding. 



Something that you can't have. Wanting something so much it aches inside.

I have a wish that I'm too scared to speak out loud. Because if I do.. I'm scared it won't come true.
I had my chance years ago, but I gave it away.. Not intentionally. I was too weak to fight then.
To say what I really felt.. My life would have been different now.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I still have not forgiven myself for it.
9 years have passed, but the pain is still fresh inside my body and soul.

I still want it for myself.. But it is difficult. Something is not right. I can feel it. I know it.
Other people around me get the chance that I gave up. Will I have that chance again?
I'm thinking that maybe I had my chance and I blew it. Maybe I wont have that chance again..
I might not deserve it again.
And it tears me apart. Writing this hurts so much. I can't breathe because I am scared..

What if I can't be what I want to be the most in this world...


(Pictures from Google)


I love their dresses. I personally think they are a bit over priced at times.
But last week I ordered this beautiful dress when it was on sale.
I got it delivered yesterday and it is lovely on :)
Have to take a picture when I wear it next :P

Just have to figure out when to wear it.

Come on

Guys :P And girls.

I wrote quite a few blog posts yesterday where I asked you questions.
Not many of you have commented. Were the topics not interesting? :P
I thought they were quite good haha. So I expected a few more comments.

Comments makes it more fun blogging. And it makes me want to blog more.
It's fun when you guys participate and share your thoughts :)

So please make me a happy Karolina/Ciri ;)
Comment more! (Well only if you want to :P hehe)


Not long now

Only about 8 weeks left till we go back to Sweden :)
Just bought the tickets and I am £320 pound poorer (haha),
but it will be worth it when I'm there again :D

We usually pay about £200 less for tickets, but I guess alot of people are going back
home for Christmas.

I can't wait to see my lil sister on Christmas Eve opening up all here Christmas presents :)
And have my dads lovely Christmas dinner. Yummy yum yum.

I wrote a blog post about my thoughts regarding Christmas last year.
You can read it here

I long to see snow in December. Real snow! :)

Old town in Stockholm. Can't wait to go to the Christmas market :)

And eat Lussebullar :) They are delicious.
I used to help my mum bake these. I don't like raisins, so I always pick them out.
Or ask my mum to make me some without them haha. I am very picky!

If you want to read about it go here.

How do you usually spend Christmas? Is it something you enjoy or dread (like myself)?

Friday night live

So I went out with my friend Charlene and her friend Naeema on Friday night. It was alot of fun :)
We went to Revolution first and then we ended up in Prohibition. Love that place. The interior was so nice.
Danced for a few hours and had alot to drink too :P I especially enjoyed the Mojitos. Yummy.
Was nice to catch up with Charlene and her friend was so nice too :) Looking forward to going out with them again.

I love this picture. I think it's one of my favourites :X

I worked for a few hours on Saturday and then I went to town to meet up with a dear friend of mine.
It was nice to meet you again S bear :) And Nandos was d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s as usual ;)
Can't wait to see you again.

We don't meet up very often, but we still keep in touch.
My friend said something that brightened up my day.

S: "You are a writer that's why". When we were discussing something.
My friend has always been so supportive of me and my writing. It was thanks to my friend
that I finally wrote the piece about Balkan. Thank you.

Twinkle toes.

Animated movies

Are some of my favourite movies :)

I love the way they are made. So beautiful and funny :) Some of them are sad at times,
but I guess it's a way for children to learn and understand about some of the things in life that
are difficult. Like death. 

We watched UP on Saturday. It was hillarious and I was laughing out loud at times :)
It's a great movie for both children and adults (like me and Ads haha).
It has everything you want from an animated movie. Lots of interesting and funny things happen.
I recommend it strongly :) 

I also watched 9 yesterday. On my own. I was not sure what it was about before I watched it.
(I don't watch trailers because they ruin the movie for me :/ Might seem weird to some)
But I knew it was made by some really good producers and director. So I thought I'd give it a go.
It was a bit weird. I liked it, but the ending was not as I expected.
But it's a movie you can watch on a Sunday afternoon. It's not a funny movie, but rather interesting.
I would not recommend kids to watch it though.


Some of my favourite animated movies are: Lion King, Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and the beast.
The newer ones: Wall-E (I loved that one!!) Finding Nemo, Monster vs Aliens and many many more!

Do you like animated movies? Which one is your favourite?


Sleeping is something we all love to do.
Even though I think we waste too much time of our lives sleeping.
But we have to do it nonetheless.

It's quite funny to know what positions people sleep in.
I sleep as the first picture shows. The foetus position. I have slept like that all my life.
I wish I could sleep on my back, but there is no chance I'd fall asleep if I'm on my back.

And then we got the sleeping positions with someone next to you in the bed. 
I can't sleep if someone is too close to me or anything.
So again the position me and Ads end up sleeping in is G or H and sometimes C. 

How about you? What is your sleeping position?

Crazy dreams

I am so tired today.
All I want to do is sleep and watch shows or movies.
I have so much I want to blog about, but I wont do the topics justice if I write them
when I feel like this.
I'll either blog later today or leave it till tomorrow.

However.. I thought I'd share one of my dreams with you.
A couple of weeks ago I had a really scary dream. It was so real and horrible,
but in some ways pretty amazing. It would have made an awesome movie :P

I wont go into details, but one of the things I found funny (crazy) was that I had a pet skull in my dream.
Yes a pet skull haha. It sat with me in bed while I was watching a movie.
It even had a pink blanket..
A friend of mine said "You're crazy" when I told him about this. I guess I am :P
 He looks kinda cute. No? :P

Do you ever have crazy or weird dreams?


Friends are always good to have.
Sometimes you drift apart and you don't see some of them as much as you may want to or used to.

It is important to keep contact with your friends. Even if your lives are very different at the moment.
Take time to see each other. Or call your friend for a chat. Catch up and have a laugh :)

Sometimes you think "Why should I call them?", because we think they should make an effort too.
But sometimes we are just too busy with work and other things in our lives that we actually forget to do it.

Last night a friend of mine that I used to work with in House of Fraser messaged me and asked if I was free for some drinks today :) And I said yes! I have not seen her for a while and it will be fun to see her again :D
We used to have such a laugh when we went out.

The collage is a few of the hundred pictures we took on various nights out :P
Princess Char is a true star ;) ♥

So if you know there is someone you miss and have not talked to for a while, call them,text or e-mail them
today ;) You will feel much better about it :)


Evil Doctor!

I went to the doctors this morning. Early. 8.20am to be exact.
It was my usual Dr that saw me today.. Last time I went it was someone else.
I liked the other Dr  because he took me seriously. He listened to me and he diagnosed me with something I've been coping with for the last month...

So when I sat there today for less than 10 mins...
My so called Dr said something that made me feel so stupid and even more confused than I already am :(

Arent Dr's supposed to help us?

I also asked for some other advice/help,
but he kinda blew me off and said let's see when you come back in 3 months..
I was fuming when I left.
I wish I had seen the other Dr.
Might have to call them and demand to see him.

You painted my world Red

"And I can’t do this by myself
All of these problems, they’re all in your head
And I can’t be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it red"

Beautiful song. I think he is beautiful and his voice is amazing. 
I sing this out loud when I'm home alone. (Poor neighbours haha)
Just realised I've already posted this song once :X woops.

Music for me is something magical.
It makes me smile,cry and laugh out loud. Makes me dance like there is no tomorrow.

Does music have the same effect on you? Tell me about a song that you love and why :D please ;)


This was a collage I made earlier this year. Think it was for when I had lived here for 2 years :)
I did not post it on the blog. Only on Facebook. So I thought I'd post it now instead.
It has pictures from various occasions :) Some are from Manchester and some are from Sweden, Liverpool, Kings Lynn and even sunny Benidorm haha :P

Each picture represents me and the things I love the most.
Family, friends, music, alcohol (haha), entertainment etc.
I don't know what the future holds for me, or where I will be the next few years,
but I hope that I will still be happy and have my loved ones witth me on my journey.
Wether they are close by or miles away ♥

Harry Potter

I love the Harry Potter books and movies.
They are so well written and the movies are actually visually well done, but the story is good too.
I have been a fan of Harry Potter for years so when I heard about
"The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter" I got so excited and happy.
They are building it at Universal Studios in Orlando. It will be done in spring 2010! :D
I can't wait to go there. I will be like a kid again.
It will be better than the experience I had at Universal studios in Los Angeles. Even though I loved it there!

Nothing beats Harry Potter :P


You can go on there to read more about it. (well if you're a Harry Potter geek like me haha)

It sounds amazing!! I want to go now! haha.

Olivander's! I want my own wand :D

Honeydukes :P I can see myself getting stuck in there for hours haha :X

Anyone else but me that love Harry Potter?


I think every woman alive would love to get something from there :P
I know I would! ;)

I think this necklace is pretty.

It's not too expensive :P

A girl can dream ;)

Need help

With some ideas for birthday presents. I hate buying gifts for a man. It is so difficult.
I have no idea what to get them.
You guys that read my blog. I know there are a few of you out there :)
Tell me what you would want/appreciate to get for your birthday. Please help me :D
Would be much appreciated.


PS. I'm having a bit of a low period again.. I don't know what to write about.
Don't really feel like writing much at all at the moment.
I apologise for being quiet and boring :X
Hopefully I will be back to normal soon.


Is playing in the MEN arena on Friday.. I'm not going :(
I really wanted to go. I've listened to her music for year.
I think she is an amazing singer. Her lyrics are beautiful and powerful.
Would have loved to see her live.. Maybe another time..

This is one of many of her songs that I love.

"When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend"


This song reminds me of someone who used to mean alot to me.
You will never know how much it burns.

There is no video that has a good quality. And the original one is not allowed to be copied.
So click the link if you want to hear the song.


"Today's on fire
The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day."


I love this type of music. Especially when out dancing. I miss it so much.
In Stockholm there are loads of clubs that play this type of music all the time..
Nothing like it here in Manchester unfortunately.

Here are some of my favourite songs.

This song is just "sex" hahaha. I love it.

Used to dance to this one. Good times.

Movie time

It's been a while since I watched a good movie.

So we decided to watch Public enemies with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale was in it too.
I love movies based on a true story. And this one was very interesting :)
I recommend you to watch it.

It's about John Dillinger a notorious gangster in the 1930's :P

Las Vegas summer 2009

I love this city ♥

I can't explain what I feel for this city. It is the most amazing place I've been to so far.
Somehow I doubt there will be any other place in the world that could beat it :)
I feel so comfortable there. I feel happy there.

I've left the pictures from our week in Vegas till now. Not sure why.
Looking at them make me so happy, but also so sad :X
I miss that place, but most of all I miss how happy I am when I'm there.

First day/night. Our pool was amazing. I spent hours there daily :P
Love in Swedish=Kärlek, Bosnian=Ljubav and Turkish=Sevgi and many, many more languages :)

The Wynn and Encore are my favourite looking Casinos in Vegas. Trump is pretty awesome too :p
And Paris :D
That cheesecake is from Cheesecake Factory and it is one of the most delicious thing I've tasted.
Ads loves his Bud Lights and I was sipping on Mojitos while cooling off :)
We even won a few times haha. We did not just lose ;)

Mirage at night (our hotel)
And old town Las Vegas. It was such an amazing experience :D
That's where it all started.
I loved that "Summer of 69" van haha. Wanted to take it with me :p
It's so me!!!


Yes that is an alcoholic bevarage hahaha. It took me forever to finish off. Strawberry Daiquiri. Yummy.
I feel like an amazon when I wear that dress for some reason. (And like Tarzan's Jane hahaha)

I'm going to do a post about Grand Canyon later on. It deserves it's own post :)

I love this song :) ♥

Me being silly

Ok I don't know if this is worth watching :X

It's from when we went to Wales for a day.
I was just so happy being at the beach haha.
Nothing major :P
Might start doing some videoblogs.
Thought I'd share this one with you :)

Ok I'm ashamed hahaha

Miss you

One of the people I miss the most at the moment. My lil sister.

Tupac Amaru Shakur

I have a very eclectic taste when it comes to music.
I used to listen to Tupac when I was younger. I remember my first cd of his. I got it for Christmas.
I was so happy. Why do I like his music? I can't really explain it.
But some of the lyrics were deep and made an impact.

R.I.P 2Pac

Some of my favourite songs by this amazing singer.

"And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh"

Wonder what he would think if he knew about Obama :)

This is another favourite :P You got to love this song ;)

Beautiful song that I love.

My new watch

It is here!! :D
My new loveli.

(Click on pics to see them bigger)

I got it delivered yesterday :) Sooo happy!
Got it shortened today. I'm wearing it tonight :P
I should really be getting ready haha.

I have a watch that I wear for every day use.
It is a Guess watch and it has been my favourite for a while now :)

Both are really me :D

I thought I'd show you guys what I did yesterday. Don't have time to make another post.
I really should be getting ready :X
I got my fringe cut. Could not stand it anymore. Takes forever to grow it.
Here is a pic I just took. No make up on hence the hand in the face haha :P

Good or bad? :/

Ok off I go!
Have a wonderful Saturday night loveli people :D


I have not had one of these for a while :P
Sorry guys, but I am a girl after all ;)

I really love these 3 dresses.
Would not mind having them hanging in my wardrobe.

They are from Lipsy.

Friday, all day,every day!

Well I wish it was Friday every day :D
I am quite hyper today. Feel all cheerful and full of energy!
Why? It is FRIDAY :D

This week has been quite long, and boring. Hate working lates.
Feels like all I do is work,work,work! (well kinda haha)

What am I doing this weekend?
Ooooh let me tell you!
Tonight I am watching some of my favourite shows :P
And having some lovely vino *yummy,yum yum*
Am I playing some TF2? Well of course I am ;)

Tomorrow I am cleaning the whole flat (grrrr) has to be done.
And then going shopping (food, nothing too interesting) and then I'm going Nandos!!
I ♥ Nandos. I could eat there every day. Honestly.

And then I'm going out for a few drinks! :D

What to wear? Do you guys want to help me with that?
Shall I go for:

A.   The purple one. It is one of my favourite dresses.

B.   The pink one. I just love this one :D

C.   Or the Tarzan & Jane one :P

What do you think?

Blonde moment part 2

I got a new one for you :P
Have a laugh at my expense it's ok ;)

A convo between me and Mr Spanky.

Ciri: im only on for 1-2 rounds
Ciri: then gonna tinkle with the blog abit

Mr Spanky: tinkle with your blog?
Ciri: yeah lol
Mr Spanky: you DO know what tinkle means for most of us mortals right?

Ciri: hahahaha

Ciri: i dont know WHY i said it lol
Mr Spanky: i think you MIGHT have been thinking tinker tbh lol

Ciri: :O
Ciri: tinker!!!
Ciri: YES
Ciri: DOH

And then he laughed at me alot :X

Paramore - Ignorance

"I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Now I can fend for myself"

I like this song :) It makes me want to dance around and shout "Ignorance is your new best friend!" hehe

Ragdoll lite

I'm addicted to this game on my iPhone. Who to blame?
Daidai :P

I am quite competitive ;) and I don't like losing haha. Some of you may already know that.
This game is very tricky at times and it makes you think. Which is good :D

I always feel so proud when I finish a level haha. Silly me I know :X

 (click on pics to make them larger)


 I am stuck on this level. It is quite tricky.

If you got an iPhone have you played this game? If yes, do you like it or hate it? :D
Tell me :P

9 weeks

Till I go back to Sweden! ♥

I can't wait. I always have mixed emotions when I go back home :X

I have not been back home for X-mas since I moved here. I don't like X-mas myself..
It's true... I kinda dislike it! :X 
No I'm not weird.. :P

But it will be nice to spend it back home again.
It's very different from the way you celebrate it here in England.

Most of all I'm looking forward to eating Semla and drinking Julmust :X 
<----- Semla. Yes that is cream Chris P before you say: "You don't like cream!" haha.
I only like it on this cake :X and I don't eat all of the cream. It's whats inside the bun that is delicious!! :D
(I can see my diet going to hell when I go back hahaha)

 <----- Julmust. I did not like it too much when I was younger. But it reminds me of good times when I was younger and spent X-mas with my family and friends.

 I'm also looking forward to drinking Glögg :D (mulled wine)

Good news

For me at least :p
I have lost 4 kg's since I came back from Sweden.
Which is about 8.8 pounds (thank you Google haha)
And I am so proud of myself :D

It might not sound alot to some people, but for me it has been a struggle.

I have never been ultra slim. Well not since I was like 18-19 years old :P
I've been happy with my weight till a couple of months ago,
when I let myself gain quite a few kg's more than I've ever been.

I don't like to diet. And I definitely don't like to exercise. I'm too lazy.
I have periods when I go on the Wii or go out running, but they don't last long.

This time all I did was to cut down on snacking and drinking my favourite drink Coca Cola.
The latter was the hardest part. I let myself have diet coke every other day,
and an original one every 2-3 weeks :X (not easy).

I snack on Carrot sticks instead of chocolate :P haha. Yummy! And I eat soup! :D
It's not as hard as I thought it would be. Most of all I feel much better about my weight now.
I could lose a bit more and then I'd be completely satisfied with myself. But I am truly happy now :) 

This was me in December last year. And I was happy with my figure.
(click on pics to make them bigger)

And this was June last year. Would ♥ to look like that again.
Used to work in House of Fraser then so I was running around all day.
Now I'm stuck in an office :/


Regarding the questions I asked you guys :)
I got quite a few answers from you and I really appreciate it :D

Love getting to know you all more. It's great when you all participate in questions/answers etc.
Makes it so much more fun for me to write :D

I wanted to post all your answers in one post, but after recieving them all I realised it would be a bit too much.
It would not look good :/
Hope you don't mind that your answers are in the comments bit under the actual Questions post.

I appreciate your honesty :) Especially the answers about my blog. I will take it all in and try and continue writing about things that interest both me and you. I do write for myself, but mostly for others :)
I want to share my thoughts with others, but I also want to know about your thoughts.

Woot/Phil wrote : but it does make me feel sad/sorry for you when your unhappy, i can't help but think you'd like to write and tell someone all your troubles, and even though this is your blog, its still not somewhere you can pour them out as telling one person your telling all. So that makes me feel a bit sad when i read your woes, as i know there's alot more behind what your writing, you just can't put it all on paper.

You are right Phil.. It is my blog. And I do sometimes feel like I can't write everything I would want to.
There are things I want to scream out at times. But I can't.. I don't know who reads my blog. I know some of you :) And I don't mind sharing things with you guys. But some of the things I want to write I feel I should not :/

But mostly I don't want people to pity me or feel sorry for me when/if I would actually write everything I want. 

I feel


I don't really want to write about this. Just thinking about it freaks me out.

I got arachnophobia... I'm scared/terrified of spiders.... Just the thought of them make me freak out.
I have always hated them. Since I can remember.

When I was a child my younger brother used to cut out pictures of spiders from magazines and put them on the floor infront of my bed... And when I saw them I jumped up on the bed screaming and crying LOUD..
My mum always had to come and take care of any spiders that may be in the flat or anywhere around me.
She was my superhero when it came to taking care of them :)

Wish I had her here in Manchester when I have a spider taunting me..
One time when we first moved in to the flat we are in now.. I was about to have a shower. I went into the bathroom and reached for the handle to turn the water on.. Next to it was a very big brown scary spider.. (honestly it was big..)
And I got one of the worst panic attacks ever. I screamed so loud that Ads thought I'd hurt myself. I was in the bedroom and on the bed in less than 3 seconds. I was crying my eyes out saying "I want to go back to Sweden and to my mum" over and over again.

Ads must have thought I was a total lunatic... I have had a few more incidents with spiders in that flat.
I can't even go into a room without looking around... I know it's bad...

I had an incident with one last night :( It made me go to sleep early because I could not relax in the livingroom and I had to quit playing my game..

Why am I writing about this? I am not sure :/
Just thought I'd share it with you guys. Guess it makes me feel better talking about it.

I'd usually put some pictures up with my texts... But NO WAY. No pics of spiders on my blog :X

Do you have something you're really scared of?

Questions for you

You were very helpful on Friday with all the questions you asked me.
It was so much fun to answer them all :D

So I thought I should do the same for you ;)
I’d like to know more about you guys.

Decided to ask a few different ones, some to find out more about who you are, what you like etc.
I will probably use some of your questions too :P Hope that’s ok.

And then I will ask you what you think about my blogg etc.

Here are a few personal questions for you.

There is a twist to it. I will wait with "posting" your comments ;) I've made the comments hidden till I've gotten them all in and then I will make a post with all your comments. Hope that is cool with you? :D

1. How old are you?

2. Where do you live?

3. What do you do for living?

4. What is a perfect day off for you? What do you do? Where do you go? Who are you with?

5. What makes you happy? A person? Something material?

6. Do you have a goal set for yourself? If you do, what is it?

7. If you could have 1 super power, what would it be?

8. Are you scared of anything? If yes, what?

9. What was your favourite cartoon/TV programme when you were little?

10. If reincarnation is real and you come back as an animal, what animal would you be?

11. Do you have tattoos? Would you like to get one?

12. If you could resurrect any person from any point in history who would it be and why?

13. Lights on or lights off? :p

14. How many different countries have you been to in your life?

15. What was your best subject you were good at in school?

16. If you spent a day again as a child, what would you like to do that you feel you couldn't as an adult?

17. Is there anything about yourself that you would like to change? Personality, physical etc

18. If you had a chance to go back in time, (ANY time) when and where would you go?

19. Use any 3 words to describe yourself.

20. Tell me about a time when you did something silly :)


I will share a moment of silliness with you :)


Ok the rest of the questions will be about my blog or me.

Please be honest when you answer :) I want to know what you think.
I appreciate criticism! :)


21. Why do you read my blog? :)

22. What type of posts do you like the most/the least?

23. Is there anything you want to read about more/less?

24. How could I improve the blogg? Is there anything that it lacks? In design/quality etc.

25. Would you like a few video posts? Lol. And no don’t say anything rude!
If you would like it, what would you want me to say/do? Again. Nothing rude! Lol


I think it will have to do for this time :)

I do hope a lot of you will want to answer the questions.

You don’t have to answer every single one. You might find some of them boring, or you may not have an answer at all :) that’s ok! :) But please answer a few at least :D

Will make me so happy to get to know you all more!

Guest blogger

I have decided to let you participate more on my blog :)
I think it's a lot of fun seeing you guys commenting on my posts/questions etc.
So when Spanky sent me this I wanted to post it straight away :D
He is my guest blogger of the week :)

I will do my own A-Z during the day. It is not as simple as it may sound :P But I like a challenge :)

Here is what Spanky wrote.

Some of you will know me as Mr Spanky (those of you who play tf2 on UKCS anyway) and The rest of you can call me Chris P :)

This is me in A to Z:

A - Arrogant - Not starting on a good one lol - but it's true. Particularly on moral issues I just have an absolute certainty that I am *right* - when people disagree with me on such things I tend not to argue though - things can get messy (and loud) when that happens haha.

B - Brick - Not quite sure if that counts (its a phrase my dad used to use) but I'm a very good listener and when people just need someone to talk to (or rant at) i find it very easy
 to let them.

C - Clever - well obviously ;)

D - Dominating - I honestly didn't think I was but several people have commented on this - particularly in conversation I can be quite overriding. Oh and of course I LOVE to be in other areas too. :p

E - Eccentric - Well yeah I am. I have a lot of attitudes and ideals that people find strange but I like myself this way so NEERRRR! :P I'm a bit of an odd ball - but i hope a loveable one.

F - Friendly - up to a point. If i know that whoever it is is NOT doing something with an ulterior motive, I like to be friendly to people.

G - Generous - Always have been and very proud of it. Although I HAVE had to learn just *who* it's good to be generous to and who will just take you for a ride.

H - Hard - I'm usually a very tolerant person. I think *because* of this though if someone pisses me off too much or does something wrong that I really cant understand i can be *very* hard - and I don't mind saying it to them either!

I - Interested - In people, things, places, ideas - everything really. I LOVE to learn things and learn new ways of thinking what people are thinking, what makes people tick etc.

J - Jealous - I try not to be but I am. I think it's ok in moderation (and certainly natural) to be jealous but taken to an extreme I think It'd be VERY unpleasant both for myself and the object of my jealousy.

K - Kareless (Cant actually think of one for K lol) I have the tendency to break and lose things quite frequently - I don't really know why. Maybe something to do that I tend to put little value in material things or MAYBE I'm just a cack-handed oaf hahaha

L - Loving - One of the things I like most about myself - I don't let people get close to me easily but when I do Its for good reasons - these days at any rate. And i like to show it when i really love someone by doing things they probably think are a bit nutso lol

M - Mischievous - not really THAT much but i like particularly to play with words and use innuendo to change the meanings of things.

N - Naive - I've lived a fairly sheltered life really - I'm familiar with most of the hardships and difficulties of life but havent really experienced many of them at full throttle. This is not to say I think I couldn't handle it - just I've never/rarely been there.

O - Open - Something I believe in very much - the only way to make REAL connections with people is to let them know who you REALLY are. Not pretending your something else or TRYING to be someone else to impress or fit in. The kind of friends that really matter are the ones that accept you for your flaws and faults as well as the good things. Everyone else can shove it - more or less ;-).

P - Persistent - When I think there's something out there that I really want or would be good for me I usually keep on trying until it either becomes actually impossible or a get it.

Q - Quiet - Sometimes I can be very quiet and it's not (most of the time) an indication that somethings wrong. Most times when  this happens is when I get thoughtful and I just kind of zone out.

R - Robust - I like to think that I'm fairly tough and have a strong will - I do for most things I think. Although some things (which are remaining nameless hahaha) I have a weakness for.

S - Stubborn - oooooh yes lol - particularly when I think I'm onto something good - usually people telling me I'm being a dumb-ass only makes me more determined.

T - Tolerant - Very much so. something I believe that is a corner-stone of my personality. I always pick myself up on illogical prejudices and thoughts that i have. There's a man I want to thank for that (he kinda brought it out in me) called Zane Foster - a very special and much missed man. Thinking of you my friend.

U - Understanding - I find it quite easy to empathize with people and think "what it be like to be in *this* situation?" obviously its impossible to understand completely without living that persons life but I have a very vivid and empathic imagination.

V - Voracious - LOVE this word hahaha I can be pretty intense sometimes - not aggressively I hope but definitely I can make my presence felt when I feel like it!

W - Wicked - in the good sense (or at least i think so) I love doing those things that make people shocked or surprised kinda ties in with me being a little mischievous.

X - Xperimental - couldn't think of an "X" but that'll do lol. Not to stay with any kind of theme - but imparticularly I love to experiment sexually. To me sex (with the right person) can be an awful lot of fun and to enjoy it to the full you should experiment as much as you can.

Y - Young at heart - life often doesn't allow you to be childish and do all the silly things that you want to do but I LOVE it when I can be like that.

Z - Zotally amazing! - yeah . . .  lol couldn't really think of one for this. But at the moment I DO like the man I am - probably for the first time this year in quite a while really.

Answers Part 3

Here are the remaining questions/answers :)
I really enjoyed this guys! Thank you for asking so many good and fun questions :D

Spanks again :D 58-72

58. Whats your favorite fast food (pizza kebab burger etc)
Pizza all the way. I LOVE pizza :X Pepperoni :P Or Calzone (when I'm back home)

59. If you could resurrect any person from any point in history who would it be and why?
Cleopatra, I think she is awesome! Always loved the history about her. Would love to ask her some things :p

60. How many pairs of shoes do you have? im guessing quite a few hahaha
Oh I have to count them! I came back with at least 4 pairs when I went to Sweden last time. So I had to throw out some old ones. But it must be more than 20 :X

61.If and when you were to get married would you a big one with lots of people or a small intimate wedding?
I'd prefer a smaller more intimate wedding, but I got loads of family :X I want to be on the beach though!

62. Whats the most expensive thing youve ever broken?
Uh oh. I am rather clutsy when it comes to things.. I think it must be one of my cameras :/
Or maybe some jewellery.

63. Lucky number?

64. Lights on or lights off? :p
Lights on. I want to be able to see what I'm doing :P Could go wrong otherwise haha :p

65. Do you believe in God/god/deities unnamed?
I used to believe in God. Not like a man that sits up in the heaven and makes decisions. But I believed in "something"... But then things changed in my life and I lost faith... I still believe in something.... Hard to explain.

66. How many different countries have you been to in your life?
Sweden :P haha, Bosnia (countries in former Yugoslavia), Gran Canaries, Turkey, Belgium, Germany, England, 
US of A :D Denmark, Finland and some other European countries.

67. Do you like James Bond? if so which actor do you like best as 007?
I love James Bond, and there is only one true Bond for me :) Sean Connory :P

68. Do you like incense? Burnt sticks or oils?
Yeah I don't mind it. Mainly oils, but I've thought of getting some sticks.

69. Favorite book/series?
Elizabeth Kostova- The historian. Or the Twilight series :) ♥

70. If you had to choose would you be a mechanic or a builder?
Builder :) I'd like to build things.

71.Have you ever played or wanted to play an instrument?
Not really played any instruments. Want to learn to play the guitar. Or a piano. I think they sound cool :D

72. Do you enjoy singing? Are you any good? lol
I love singing haha, especially when I'm in the shower. Or when I'm drunk and there is Karaoke... LOL.
But I have not been blessed with a song voice :X

Woot/Phil 73-80

73. What would be your choice of hairstyle,colour,length etc if you could have any?
Ooooh I always wanted to shave my hair off :X But I can't... Work would kick me out and my mum would kill me haha. But I guess I'd like to have pink hair for a day :p And long hair too. Maybe some curls.

74. Looking back over the last few years, is there anything big that was life changing that you regret/think you made the wrong decision on?
There are a few things that have happened to me in the past that I wish I'd dealt with in a different way. But I don't believe in regretting things.. I did what I did.. And I have learnt from all of my mistakes. More or less :)

75. How many people do you class as true close friends(don't need names, just a number).
I'd say 3.

76. What made you make the decision to move to the Uk?
 I've always wanted to move to England. And then I met Adam. So I decided to move.

77. Have you any future plans to move back to Sweden and settle there?
No no no. I don't want to move back to Sweden. I left it for a good reason. Life there is too difficult.
I love going back, but only on visits :)

78. Candy Question! What is you most favourite sweet? Like, if you could have a lifetime supply of it, what would you choose?
Ooooooh!! Love this question! I love a swedish candy called Djungelvral. It is salty liquorice haha :D It is sooo delicious. But I doubt you guys would like it ;)

79. What was your best subject you were good at in school?
To be honest? English! I've always been great at it :D

80. Would you want to swop your iphone for a Nokia N82? (Lol, needed something to ask for the magical question number 80!!!!)
Hahaha no I would not swap my loveli iPhone for anything :P
It is an amazing phone :D

Bulletsponge 81-90

81. what was the last parcel you got in the post and who was it from?
Got a parcel from Talan for my b-day. He sent me a card, a book about writing and some note pads :)

82. what were the last hand written letter you sent and recieved and what were they about?
Wow. Can't remember :/ Might have been a love letter or a letter to a friend or cousin. But it was years ago..

83. who would you most like to sent a parcel to right now and what would be inside it?
A friend who needs some cheering up. And I would send a teddy that he could huggle. Some candy :p and something personal.

84. what's the longest you've ever run/jogged for?
I don't like running. I hate it! But I guess a couple of km's.. I don't do miles :P

85. What's the hottest and coldest places you've ever been?
Hottest was probably Las Vegas this summer. It was about 38 degrees. And coldest was -20 in Sweden :p

86. If you spent a day again as a child, what would you like to do that you feel you couldn't as an adult?
Just go to a playground and go on the slide and build a sandcastle! hahaha. Or just dress up and sing songs all day :D

87. If you were invincible for a day, what would you do?
Hmmm. I'm not quite sure. Maybe kick evil peoples ass :P hahaha

88. what is your favourite outfit?
Think I answered this once :p

89. If you could change one thing on your favourite outfit, what would it be?
Another tricky question. I don't think I'd change anything :P

90. If you could grow a tree, any tree, what tree would you grow and why?
A plum tree :) Because we used to have those in Bosnia when I was younger. And it would remind me of that..

Answers Part 2

I wont be online all day today. So I wont have time to blog anything inbetween the Answer posts.
So I thought I'd post part 2 now :D

I'm getting ready for the wedding.
Been warming up with "I got a feeling" dancing around the flat like a mad woman haha :D

Have a wonderful day everyone!

PS. I will be updating on Twitter during the day :) That's the box on the right side of the blog :)

Here are Spanky's/Chris P's questions. 31-41 :)

31. Whats the best gig youve ever been to?
I must say Metallica :D It was an amazing experience. I love their music.
But to be completely honest my all time favourite gig was a Bosnian one :P It’s my favourite artist ever. His name is Dino Merlin and I have seen him so many times it’s untrue. Me and my best friend that lives in Switzerland now we went to his concert in Stockholm on a Friday many many years ago and then on the Saturday we got my mum to drive us to another city to see him again :D was an amazing experience. <3

32. Do you like camping? (random lol)
I’ve actually never camped in my entire life :X haha. Not sure if it is “me” :P
I would not mind trying it one day, but it would have to be like a uber cool tent with loads of cool stuff in it hahaha. I don’t like creepy crawly things :X

33. What kind of flowers do you like?
I’m such a cliché when it comes to flowers. I love roses… I absolutely adore them. (Don’t get them often tho! Haha)

34. Are there any kinds of meat you dont like/wont eat?
I don’t like pork. And not a fan of lamb.

35. Whats your favorite type of cheese?
Swedish cheese! It’s called Vastgotakloster. Haha. And it is so yummy!
You can get it in Ikea :P so if you go there you should buy one ;)

36. Whats your favorite colour?
I love pink :X I did not use to be a pink girl hehe.
But in the last few years I’ve started to love it more and more. Not on clothes!
I do like purple too. And red :X

37. Do you have any "celebrity crushes"? if so who?
No I don’t think I have :P Maybe Angelina Jolie :)

38. If you could would you prefer a cruise around the world or to view the earth from space?
Oooh tough one! Well I don’t really like boats :X Scared of them.. So I would probably go for the space one :D That would be awesome!

39. When was the first time you got really drunk?
I have no idea :O Damn.

40. What was your favorite cartoon/TV programme when you were little?
Oh I had loads! I loved Lucky Luke!
 hahaha. Don't think you guys have heard of it :P

41 If you could choose to lose either your computer or your mobile phone which would you choose?Oh nooo! Don’t say that!! Hahaha. But to be honest.. I’d probably have to say computer, because my lovely iPhone is almost as good as a computer :D

And then Dog of War :D 42-57.

42. You speak quite a few languages but is there one you would really like to learn?
Italian! I actually started learning on my own, but then I stopped :/ Should really get back on to it! I love the language :)

43. Shower or bath?
I love to shower. IF the shower pressure is high. (mine isn’t…) I could shower for hours if the pressure was better! haha

44. Favourite season?
 I love the summer. I absolutely love it.I mean the real summer :P
When it’s so warm and nice :) I also like winter :p But when it’s all white and nice outside.

45. Animal you are the most scared of?
Spiders :( Hate em!

46. Ketchup in the fridge or cupboard?

47. If you could live in any time period, which would it be?
Ooooh. Tough one!

48. Wine and cola? Seriously?
Yes seriously! It is called bambus. And it is quite nice! :) You should try it :P

49. Favourite Disney film?
 Beauty and the beast and Lion King :)

50. Do you like sauna? Why/Why not?
Not really. Because it gets so hot I can’t breathe. I panic :X

51. Pepparkakor eller Jultårta?
Pepparkakor!!! Ooooh jag langtar till Julen :P

52. If reincarnation is real and you come back as a animal, what animal would you be?
An eagle. I want to fly high above the sky. :)

53. Do you have tattoos? Would you like to get one?
Yes I have one on my wrist (picture) I want more.

54. Food you find disgusting?
Beans, I absolutely hate beans. Yukiii

55. Dogs or Cats?
I like dogs. Used to be scared of cats, but I like them now :D

56. Favourite from the Moomins/Mumintroll?

57. Where's my hallon båtar, you said there would be hallon båtar?
Du SKA fa dina hallon batar nar jag ar tillbaka i Sverige! :D

Answers Part 1

Here are some of the questions I got :D .
I really enjoyed these questions!
Thank you guys.
I've decided to answer them in 2 or maybe even 3 sets. So you don't get bored of reading them all :P
And it will let others ask me more questions if they like :D

The first 30 questions are from Bulletsponge :)

1. Sweet or savoury things?
Bit of both :X I love Salty liquorice haha.

2. Your favourite chocolate?
Oh my. I absolutely ♥ chocolate!! But my favourite is Rafaello.. It is the most delicious chocolate ever. Get me these and I will be so happy!

3. Your favourite ice cream?
Ben&Jerrys! Pfish food!

4. Your favourite place (in your mind or in the real world) and the one person you'd want with you there?
I love Las Vegas.. I can’t explain the feelings I have for this city. It’s amazing. And I’d take Ads with me because he appreciates it as much as me :)

5. Your favourite TF2 class?
Hmm. Used to be pyro. I love setting people on fire! :P But at the moment it’s Demoman.

6. Pepsi or coke?
Coca Cola EVERYTIME! Pepsi is yukiiiii. Not had original Coke for weeks. Being good and drinking Diet (Boooo!)

7. Fondest childhood memory(under 18)? - who were you with and what happened
This one is a tricky one. But it would be when I was in Bosnia as a child. When my late grandad took me to a restaurant in the village and he bought me a coca cola. It was in a glass bottle. And I was so happy! Haha. Why?
People could not afford coca cola back then and I just felt so privileged that my grandad took me with him :X
You'd understand better if you knew more about him.. :)

Fondest adult memory (18 or over)? - who were you with and what happened
Very hard to choose one. But I guess this summer when I went to Universal studios and Disneyland with Ads. I felt like a big child again :D Alot of my dreams came true this summer :)

9. Your favourite vegetable?
I’m not a vegetable person. Don’t like it at all. But I’d say carrot! I do like to nibble on a raw carrot stick. Don’t like cooked/fried vegetable.. I pick it out of food and annoy everyone hahaha.

10. If you could swap bodies with anyone for a day, having their skills and memories - in effect being a puppeteer for them, who would you swap with and what would you do if your actions had no impact the day after?
I would be someone famous like maybe Pink and write an awesome song and sing till I can’t talk! I’d love to be able to sing :X  Or an artist and draw something breathtakingly beautiful… I can’t even draw a straight line… lol

11. What do you like most about your significant other?
The fact that he always wants to make me happy. He cares about me alot and does not want me to be unhappy.

12. If you could stop an event in history from occuring or change the outcome, what would it be and why?
Difficult... You can't change anything unfortunately.. But I would have tried to stop the war in former Yugoslavia..

13. What's your favourite kind of cake and why? Cheesecake from Cheesecake factory (Us of A). The cheesecake there is heavenly delicious. It just melts in your mouth. Some of the cheesecakes are MASSIVE.
 The original is my favourite. It is absolutely d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s!

14. What's your favourite outfit and why?
Tough one! I love wearing jeans because I feel comfortable in them. But I also love wearing a loveli dress and high heels :) Because it makes me feel very feminine :X

15. What's your favourite pair of shoes and why?
I got a pair of black gladiators that I love. They are really high heeled. I’m quite tall as it is, but they make me even taller. I just feel so sexy when I wear them :X They make my legs look long! Haha. And they’re rather comfy for being high heeled.

16. If you could have 1 super power, what would it be?
 I’d love to be able to fly lol.
Not really a superpower that could be useful for the world. Guess it's quite selfish of me? haha

17. If you were stuck on a desert island, what's the 1 item you'd take with you?
Ah I hate this question hahaha! I’d say my laptop, but I’d need a charger for it!
So I have to say my favourite book, The historian by Elizabeth Kostova.

18. Can you think of a loved one you'd give up your health to save?
My mum.

19. What are your top 3 tv shows (in order)?
Top 3??!! Only 3?!!Aaaah I got millions!!
Ok ok..
1.Greys Anatomy.
2. Vampire Diaries.
3. One tree hill

20. What's your favourite fairy tale?
Ooooh. I do love Cinderella :X It’s such a beautiful story with a happy ending!
I like happy endings :X
Thumbelina is another lovely fairytale :)

21. How many kids do you want in the future? How many boys/girls, thought of any names you'd like?

I’d like 1 of each. A boy and a girl.
I love the names Edin and Luca for boys (but they’re foreign lol so they are not too popular.. I like them tho!)
I also like Nathaniel. For girls I like Rose and Lily.

22. What do you love most about your family?
I love my mum even tho we don't get along most times. She is a strong woman and I have always envyed that in her. And I guess I've learnt alot from her.

23. If you could have any extra body part, what would it be and why? This body part can be situated in an out of the ordinary place.
Wings! So I could fly!

24. If you could eat/drink one thing without it having an effect on your health, what would it be and why?
Kripsy Kreme donuts! Because they are d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s!!! haha :D Or coca cola... :P

25. If you could put anyone in a catapult and fling them into a lake, who would it be and why? Hmmmm good question. Some people in the office I work in haha. Because they are selfish/greedy/negative people.. Oh and dude2010 on the server haha :P Because he annoys me soooo much I’m thinking of giving up TF2!

26. What's your favourite magazine?
I love LOOK magazine. It’s a girly one. They have lots of fashion stuff in it. I don’t like gossip ones. They are all made up!

27. What item is most valuable to you and why?
My phone lol. I love to stay in contact with all you guys!! :D

28. What is the strangest food you've ever tasted?
Sushi! Ewwwwww. So not my thing :X I only tried a piece of salmon and then I threw it out because it was all slimey. Eww! My friends were laughing at me :/

29. What is the strangest drink you've ever tasted?
Difficult one. I had a crazy drink called Jack-off during the summer. Can’t remember what was in it at the moment haha. But it was not the best mix! :P

30. would you rather bungee jump or sky dive?
Sky dive! It is something I want to do in the future! :D

The rest of the questions will be posted in the next following days :)
Hope you enjoy my answers as much as I enjoyed your questions.
Thank you all once again :D


Wow I got so many good questions from you guys! :D
I'm impressed! Really happy that you guys want to know so much about me ;) hehehe.

I am replying to them all. I am not quite sure how to do it though.

Shall I do one post with all of your questions? Or do them 20-30 at a time?
Don't want to bore you guys to death! Hahaha

Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your effort.
And I want more! From all of my readers ;)

I think I might do some of the answers today and then continue tomorrow :)
So keep them coming!


Question time

Ask me anything you'd like to know about me. :)
Not sure if this is going to be an interesting thing for you guys :P

But I hope you ask me loads of questions so I can answer them for you in a post.

Do it! :D Please :X

5 things that made my day better

1. Listening to XFM all morning instead of Radio1. 

2. The sun was shining. Love the sun. Makes me all warm inside.

3. Crazy people who made me laugh so much. You know who you are :p

4. Seeing a silly person get banned on TF2 because he was a complete ****

5. Getting called snugglepuss hahaha. And it reminded me of the pink cat who was soooo funny when I was a kid :p

Maybe not very exciting things, but they all mean something to me. :)

I'm so happy I got people around me that take my mind off "that".
And make me smile and even laugh out loud.
Thank you all.

(Psssst. I wish I saw more comments on here ;) )

Thanks Phil for the idea for this post :)
Keep them coming!


Hahahaha I remember this cartoon when I was younger :D

Was it this one you meant Spanks? hahaha


Every day I come to the office I have to listen to Radio1 in the morning.
Usually till 10am, but sometimes even longer than that.
I don't like Radio1. They play the same music over and over again. Gets really boring.

I myself prefer listening to XFM. And there is one other person that likes it too in the office.
The rest of them are Radio1 lovers or Heart, Smooth (HELP!!!) or even Galaxy.

I just want to listen to music that makes me feel good :)
Not often that I get to listen to my radio station, but this morning it was just me and another
person in, he who also likes XFM so we put it on :D loud! hahaha

What radio station do you listen to? :)

 <------ That's the radio we got in the office!!


Blonde moment

Decided to have a blonde moment post now and again.
Depending on how many times I actually have one haha.
Happens quite often :X
So you can laugh at me ;)

This morning I had a revelation.

I was so tired all day yesterday and I could not understand why.
I usually have 1 cup of coffee each day, usually a cappuccino.
Yesterday I even had one at 5pm which should under normal circumstances have kept me awake all night haha. But I went to sleep around 11.30pm and I feel asleep instantly.
This morning I was thinking how could that be?

I got my coffee out and there it was. The answer was staring at me.
Decaffeinated it said on the package. Hahaha I was laughing at my own stupidity.
I had accidentally bought the decaffeinated cappuccino.


Thought I’d share this with you guys :P

 Can I have one of these please? :P

Some thoughts for myself

I’m going to try and be positive..

Take one day at a time.

Not stress over things that I can’t control.


When everything feels like it's too much, I have to stop and breathe.

Let go of the panic that is creeping up on me.



We watched a movie the other night. Was supposed to watch G.I Joe, but something went wrong with the sound
when streaming the movie from the PC to the PS3 :/
So we decided to watch The Taking of Pelham 123.
It starrs Denzel Washington who I absolutely love in movies. He is an amazing actor.
And John Travolta was pretty good too :)

I'm not going to say too much about the movie.
I'm a person that does not watch trailers if I don't have a choice haha.

But I do recommend people to watch it. It's different from the other Hollywood movies out there.
It makes you think! I like movies that make me think hehe :)


I answered these questions ages ago. Sometime in 2007 when I was still living in Sweden.
And it was one of my first posts on the blog. I wrote in Swedish then.
Demiguise reminded me of the list so I thought I’d remake the list and in English this time.
Quite funny to see that some things have changed :P



Often on the plate: Chicken
How I know I’m in love: I get butterflies and my heart beats faster.
This is what I do when I’m sad: Listen to sad songs and cry haha.
Things I love to give away: Huggles!!
Dessert: Cheesecake or something with chocolate.
Todays lie: Someone asked me “how are you?” and I said “I’m ok”.
My room is: Messy! Needs tidying..
What did you eat last: Some Swedish crackers.
Who did you get an e-mail from last: Daidai :)
Last bustrip: Can’t remember. Ages ago. Don’t like busses. Prefer walking.
Do you sleep naked: Always
What do you do when you can’t sleep: I do some breathing exercise a friend told me about.. And I think about a clear sky where I can see all the millions stars.

When you’re older, do you live in the city or countryside: Hopefully countryside. Hate the city.

How many days a week do you go out partying: Not often enough anymore :/
Should Stockholm be Swedens capital city: Yeah? Why not.
What do you think of Facebook: It’s over rated, but fun to keep in contact with people you’ve “forgotten”.

Favourite movie: Casino, Scarface and many, many more.
Who makes you feel bad: Selfish people..

Do you complain at people who can’t write grammatically right: Just hate “text talk”..

Are you an intellectual genius: hahaha I wish :P
Are you the one to finish a phone conversation: No, I could talk forever.
What are you doing in 10 years time: Hopefully I’ll be living in US of A.

What type of cookies do you like? I’m not a cookie lover.
What do you prefer to eat for dinner? Pizza (for breakfast,lunch and dinner if it was healthy!! hehe)
Why are you not a vegan? Because I like meat…
Whats your pets name? Don’t have one. Want a dog and a fluffy cat called Garfield!!

What are you wearing right now? Boring office wear. Black trousers and a black top.
What hairstyle? Japanese boy. (a bob that I’m trying to grow now)
How many hours do you usually sleep? 6-8
What do you prefer to drink with your food? Coca cola when I’m not on a diet.. Mainly Diet coke atm.
What do you drink when you go out? Long island ice tea, Mojito, JD&coke
What did you eat for breakfast? Some Swedish crackers.
Who did you make out with last? Errrr. I don’t make out! lol
Who do you miss? Someone…
Do you make a fool of yourself when drunk? Happens. Quite often haha.
Do you keep a diary? Used to, not anymore.
What did you break last? I’d say a pen, Ads would say my lovely digi camera :(
Have you been threatened on phone? Yeah
What did you buy last? Can’t remember. Probably food :/
Who did you hug last? Bf
What are you addicted to? Tf2… haha and all my (100) shows.
Are you sexually frustrated? Errr yeah…!


Being back in reality sucks.

I know it’s not easy for anyone out there to understand what I’m going through at the moment.
It’s not even easy for me to get my head around this.

Went back to work on Monday.. Clearly not ready for it..
But had to.. I hate feeling helpless and like I’m not doing well enough.

Another thing that gets to me is when people ask me “How are you?”.
Makes me want to scream.

People in work don’t know why I was off. And I don’t want to tell them.
Just gets to me when people say “cheer up”, “it’s not that bad”..
If they only knew…

I feel like giving up.. But I can’t.. I can’t let people down..
I can’t afford giving up. I need this job to pay for bills, food etc.

Can’t talk to anyone about this.. They won’t understand.
I just want to be “normal” again. I want to be happy again.
Don’t want to feel like the world is collapsing around me.

I’m fighting the urge to just lay down and cry.
I am trying to be strong. For me..

Just wish people understood..


I have a decision to make,
I hate making decisions. I’m the most indecisive person ever.
Trust me.
This time it is regarding the lovely watch I got for my b-day.

I went to get it shortened during the weekend, but they told me that the clasp is too lose
and I should have it sent back and have a new one.
Problem is that the watch I got has gone out of stock and they’re not sure when it will be back in.
However, I could choose a different one.
That’s where the decision making comes in.

I know it might seem like a silly thing to some people, but I’m silly! :/

I really love the watch I got. But one of the watches that I could choose instead is pretty cool and very “me”. Silver and bling :p

Here is a pic of the "replacement" watch.
(click to see it larger)

Here is a picture of the one I got.

What do *you* think?


I've decided to go for the silver one.
I love both watches, but I think the silver one is a bit more "me"
than the pink/gold one.
Ads does not mind :) He said I should choose the one I want.

My loveli B-day

I woke up really early yesterday :) No, not just to open my presents :P haha.
Adam gave me the bag with his presents and it was the most loveliest gift bag ever.
I'm a girl I appreciate the small things in life! lol.
It was pink (my favourite colour! and it had butterflies on it :X awww)

I was supposed to have gone for a massage yesterday, but then I woke up with the worst cold ever.
Why on my b-day? Who knows. 
I will have to have the massage done some other day.

I did not want to let the cold get to me though so I kept smiling and feeling very giddy all day :D
Thanks to the lovely people around me that kept me happy :)
Got a lovely card from a dear friend x
And all the gifts and attention made me forget about the cold.

I even made an effort to make myself look all pretty for the dinner :P
Not worn make up for weeks :X

We went to East z East which is a lovely Indian restaurant here in Manchester.
The food is d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s and they have the biggest Naan bread in the world hahaha honestly!
And then we went to a bar to watch the 2nd half of the United game :P I felt bad for Ads missing the game.
And I don't mind watching football! They won 2-1 haha :P

But while we were sitting there watching the game I felt so ill :/
And I decided that the rollerdisco would have to happen some other time.
Felt abit bad about it, but health before anything else right?

All in all a wonderful birthday :D Unforgettable :D
And here are some pictures of the things I got :)

I got this lovely Thomas Sabo box to keep my bracelet and the charms in ♥
And I got the guitar and the cherry too :D Finally got some colours to my loveli bracelet.
I love it so much! :D

I got 2 books that I wanted :D Can't decide which one to start reading first.
Decisions! I hate making decisions lol.
And a voucher to buy some cool iPhone applications. Again I need to decide which apps to buy! lol

This was one of two gifts that had not arrived in time, so I got these in the middle of the day.
Ads picked me up in a Toyota IQ (I love that car!! I want one myself!Well when I learn to drive)
and we went to his parents house to collect the package. In it was this blue ray of Twilight :)
I love the books so much ♥
And the other gift was...

A beautiful pink (!) D&G watch :D I was in shock when I saw it!
I love it sooo much ♥ it is absolutely gorgeous :D
I could not wear it last night though, because it is a bit big for me and I need to get it shortened.
Perfect for special nights out :)
Ads knows what I like :D he bought me my Guess watch a couple of years ago and I love it so much.

I also got some chocolates and rose. Waiting for me in the fridge :P
And I got a really good book from a dear friend :) Thank you once again.
It is a book about creative writing :) very interesting!

So thank you once again for all the birthday wishes/songs/cards and everything else :D
You made my day unforgettable ♥

Kelly Clarkson

I am going to see her live here in Manchester on 7th of February 2010! :D
I am soooo excited and happy! Can't believe it!
My friend Us bought tickets for us today! ♥ that girl. She is a nutter like me,
but she has a huge heart. Too big sometimes!
Love you girl! :D We are going to have sooo much fun!!

I love Kelly Clarkson and her new album has been on repeat on my iPod for months.
One of my favourite songs is.

I love to play it really loud and sing along :D (Especially when doing dishes haha)

RSS 2.0