Could it be?
It's just too good to be true at this point.
I won't believe it till I actually see it!
I can't help but being a pessimist at times..
Bad things tend to happen to me a lot.
When I least need it or expect it..
Got some good news today, but I'm too scared to jinx it.
It's a bit of a tricky situation and I am a bit torn about it.
But I do want it to be true!
(No I'm not pregnant.... If anyone might think that).
A hint........
Hiking
I said Yes! straight away. I used to go walking back home whenever I had a chance.
It was so nice to just leave the flat and forget about things.
And it also helped to put things into perspective when I felt lost..
We have been 3 times so far as we had the Race for Life last weekend.
Were supposed to go today, but Barbara (Adams mum) did not feel too good.
So we will go next weekend. I already miss it!
I might go on my own on Monday as work gave me two days off "holiday".
Here are some pictures of the scenary where we have been hiking.
We started out in a place called Rivington Pike which is so beautiful.
Then we went to Turton Towers and last time we went to a place called Whitegate.
That last one was quite amusing and I battled against nettles a lot haha.
Race for Life 11/07/2010
Today was the day. And I did it.
I wasn't feeling all too well this morning, so I was quite worried when I went to Heaton Park for the race.
So many people were there, it was such a good atmosphere and I felt better all of a sudden.
I remembered why I was doing this. Our lovely Diane that was taken away from us far too soon.
For all the other people we have lost to the evil disease. But also for the people who have beaten it.
I felt so much better seeing everyone else wearing their tops and all the writings on their backs.
It was quite emotional to see who they were all running for.
Alot of "for mum", "for nana", for dad, uncle, auntie and so on...
Thousands of people ran the race today. I did the 5k with Adams mum.
Next year we will do the 10k.
We jogged half of it and powerwalked at times.
But I want to run the whole way next year.
We finished after about 46 minutes. I'm quite happy with that :)
And then we got a medal too :P hehe.
And a nice pink Race for Life bag!
Here are a few pics of the race.
Before we left.
Good time for a good cause.
R.I.P Diane, this one was for you! Xx ♥
The house, whilst we're knocking down walls
We thought we would be in it now. Living in it.
But things don't always turn out the way you expect.
I know that all too well..
There is no real rush, we are still in the flat whilst all the work is being done on the house.
We weren't going to do too much in the beginning, but then we had a lovely man
that was helping us sort the house out. And he had one crazy idea after another :)
Thanks K. What would we have done without you?
Alot of work has been done so far, but we still have a bit to go.
I don't have too many pictures of it at the moment, but will try and take some pictures this weekend.
That's a before picture.
After :P
Yeah, we knocked down the wall and the difference is Awesome!!
So much more to do of course :)
We are going to have a lovely white stair case going upstairs.
I can't wait till all the "big" jobs are done and I can start with the decorating bit.
That's what I enjoy the most :P
Before..
After. There has been more work done in this room, but I haven't taken a picture yet.
This will be a walk in closet for me! :D
Almost time
I'm doing the 5k Race for Life in Heaton Park here in Manchester.
I can't wait. I'm quite excited and want to make you that have sponsored me so proud!
I won't let you down.
Will try and take some pics on the day.
I know I've not been blogging much for a while now..
Think I just lost the will to write for a bit.
Lots happening in my life at the moment so I do have plenty to write about..
Just findin the time and will to do it I suppose..
But I will try and get back on it. If only once a week. We shall see.
So back to the race. With your help we have raised £279!! :D I'm so happy and proud guys!
Thank you all for your generous donations! I won't forget it. Ever.
Once more. Thank you to:
Daidai, Phil aka Wootang, Alfey, Josh, Carrot Stick, Kev, Rico, Kan, Batj, Motsman, Lupetto,
G3!st, eggi, Ado aka Arrow, Mr Fisherman, Higgy, Slippery,
Marta, My darling Ads and my old friend Jason aka nosmo.
Xx Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I won't let you down! ♥ xX
The house, before decorating...
So we finally got the keys on Friday. I worked till 10pm so I told
Ads that he had to wait for me till he could go inside :P
We walked in together and looked around. I took some pictures
so I can remember what it looked like before we started
working on it.
We started stripping the livingroom walls yesterday and today.
Only did it a few hours because someone was too hungover (read Ads)
Ok be warned of these pictures :P
There is alot of work ahead for us, but we don't have loads of money to
do it all straight away so the priorites are:
1. Bathroom (you'll know what I mean when you see the pics..)
2. Bedroom (because that's where we will sleep and wake up, needs to look good!)
3. Livingroom (most time is spent in there and I need it to be nice) 
No idea what they were thinking when they did this..
Yes, that is the ceiling :/
That's going as soon as possible!
This is the bathroom..
Pink mirrors!! This bathroom has not been changed since the 70's...
It is ALL getting ripped out!
And same wooden ceiling stuff as in the kitchen... 
Bedroom.. That carpet... *Shrugs*
There are 2 more rooms, bit smaller. 
That wallpaper and rug is going too :/
Did not take pictures of the garden will have to do it this week.
So this is the before pictures. The after pictures will have to wait
till it is all done! :) Might take a while, but it will be worth it in the end.
I never thought I'd be a home owner. But now I am! :)
Just a thought
(It came to me over the weekend...)
Race for Life update
Too many people die of cancer.. I think most people knows someone that has been affected by it.
One way or another..
I can't explain it to you how much this cause means to me personally,but also for my family and friends.
I think we all know the importance of this race and I am proud to be a part of it.
I will do my best to raise as much money as I possibly can. And I will run the whole 5k.
That is a promise I intend to keep.
What I ask from all of you now is to help me raise as much money as we possibly can.
Together. Any amount is more than welcome.
If you want to help me and support me in this, please take a look at my website.
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/karolinakeric
All my love,
Karolina xX
PS. I have already got £249 donated for the cause so far.
I am so greatful to you guys.
Thank you Daidai and Phil, Shaun, Josh, Carrot stick, Kev, Rico, Kan, Batj, Motsman,
Lupetto, G3!ST and Eggi, vielen dank, Arrow hvala puno, Matthias/Kojak tack,
thank you so much Higgy :) Thank you Slippery Lizard :D
I won't let you down!
R.I.P Diane ♥ I'm doing this for you. 
We miss you D
She had gone in to the hospital less than a month before because she had
problems breathing. 2 weeks later they tell us she has cancer. Nothing they can do.
A week later she is gone..
It has been very hard on Ads and his family, but on me too.
They have lost so many close to them already.. It makes it all so much harder.
Diane was an amazing woman. She always made people smile and laugh out loud.
She was the soul of a party. Loved to dance and have a laugh.
Her favourite song was Dance the night away by Mavericks.
And they played it at her funeral. The funeral was the best you could have wished for,
for someone you love. She was sent off in style and there were so many of us there to say good bye..
Till we meet again Diane.
My fondest memory of Diane is when I spent my first Christmas in England on my own.
She made me Christmas dinner and took me in. Made me feel like one of the family.
My heart aches when I realise that she isn't here anymore. But I know that she will be
watching over us all and that she has found peace. No more pain.
We love you and miss you always Diane ♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥RIP Diane x
Race For Life
Too many people die of cancer.. I think most people knows someone that has been affected by it.
One way or another..
I can't explain it to you how much this cause means to me personally,but also for my family and friends.
I think we all know the importance of this race and I am proud to be a part of it.
I will do my best to raise as much money as I possibly can. And I will run the whole 5k.
That is a promise I intend to keep.
What I ask from all of you now is to help me raise as much money as we possibly can.
Together. Any amount is more than welcome.
If you want to help me and support me in this, please take a look at my website.
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/karolinakeric
All my love,
Karolina xX
PS. I have already got £244 donated for the cause so far.
I am so greatful to you guys.
Thank you Daidai and Phil, Shaun, Josh, Carrot stick, Kev, Rico, Kan, Batj, Motsman,
Lupetto, G3!ST and Eggi, vielen dank, Arrow hvala puno, Matthias/Kojak tack,
thank you so much Higgy :)
I won't let you down!
Unfair
I am angry with life, with the world.
I am angry with the evil disease we call cancer...
The evil thing that takes our loved ones away from us.
Too early.. Far too early.. Before their time...
We've just been told that D won't make it.. There is nothing they can do..
It is cancer. We don't know how long she has left..
I just know that it is not fair..
Not on this family.. They have lost too many people already to that evil thing!!
I wan't to scream out loud!!
I want to tell people around me how cruel life really is!
The people who have no clue how lucky they really are..
That they have nothing to moan about..
Tell them to shut up when they talk about trivial things like who married who.
Who cares??!!!
I just care about my loved ones suffering... For what?
I'm so angry with life.. What is the point?
I feel so helpless.. I wish I could take the pain away... If only for a short moment..
Numb it all....
Out of order
Not in the mood to do anything at all at the moment.
Things are just falling apart around me.
People I love and care about are either really ill and might not make it...
Or they just disappear on me. For months in end.
Others just give up on me and our friendship.
So I've decided to "disappear" myself.
I just want things to be "ok" again. I don't ask for much.
Just that people I care about are well.
Even if it means that I'm not a part of their lives anymore..
If anyone wants to know how I am, leave me a comment and I'll reply.
I hope you all are well and know that I appreciate each and every one of you.
Time to let go
Are some girls not meant to be girlfriends?
Are some girls just good for one thing and the men they love and want
can't commit to them because they don't know what they want or have?
I’ve often heard about a girl that has this relationship with a man
where he is not willing to commit 100%. He loves spending time with her,
but on his terms of course. Usually that time is spent in bed.
They have loads in common and she makes him laugh, but it doesn't seem
to be enough for the man.
Why?
The woman does everything she can to make the man see her.
The way she deserves to be seen.
More than just someone he shares a moment of passion with.
She asks herself what is wrong with her.
Why can't he love her the way she loves him?
Is she ever going to be the one for him? Or just someone to waste some time with?
He tells her he cares about her, but he never makes an effort when she needs him the most.
She finally gets courage enough to end things with this man, because she deserves better.
It hurts her. Pains her that he can't see what is in front of him.
She hopes that he will realise one day that he had something amazing, but was
too blind to see.
Years go past, the girl meets other men. That guy she left is sometimes on her mind.
When she walks down the street and walks past one of the places they used to go to.
A song might remind her about the times they shared.
One day she gets a message.
It's him. He says he wants to talk to her.
He asks her how she is. She tells him she is good. She is seeing someone and she is happy.
What about the guy?
He has been seeing a girl for a while and moved in with her. Not long after
they ended things. The girls’ heart stops for a second. She wonders who this girl is that was worth committing to. Someone he barely knew.
She felt so small and lost. What was wrong with her?
But then he says something that shakes her entire world. He tells her he hasn't stopped thinking about her.
That he misses her and what they had.
The girl smiles to herself and knows that she was right.
He finally realised that he had lost something amazing and he had come back to
see if she had forgotten about him.
She hadn't.
But it was too little too late.
This story could may as well be about a man.
I chose to write about it from a womans perspective.
Love is a tricky thing.
Things I look forward to
The coming months:
1. Our 3 year Anniversary. Time has gone so fast. (Feb)
Me and Adam 3 years ago ♥
2. Kelly Clarkson concert with my crazy but lovely friend Us :D (Feb)
We are going for a nice meal same day.
3. 31st of March. Not really looking forward to this date...
But it will hopefully be a day where things will be clarified once and for all.
4. Moving. I have no idea when it will be.. But I can't wait to leave the flat we
are in now. I am very greatful for Ads' brother for letting us stay there for so long..
But I want my own space now. I want to decorate it and make it mine.
5. Spring. I am usually a summer gal, but I look forward to spring this year.
Just to see all the pretty flowers pop out and to be able to enjoy being outside.
6. See my family. This one would be Number 1, but I have no idea when I'll see them again.
We will go back this year, just have no plans on when. I usually go back home 3-4 times a year.
But this time I don't have a single one planned :/
I'm hoping to convince my mum to come here.. We will see what happens.
A prayer for you..
I've not prayed for years. I lost "faith" many years ago.
I had my reasons.
But at this moment I need to believe.
For someone that I care about and hope will recover and make it..
I've just been told someone close to us is very ill and is on life support.
I don't want to go into details. This pains me just writing about it.
But I hope and pray that she will be ok.
Be strong D. We love you and care for you so much.
I've not prayed or asked for anything since 2000.
But I'm asking now. I'm praying that she will make it.
(Picture is from Google)
PMS
This is exactly how I feel at the moment, if not worse.
Hate this time of the month. So I wont really be blogging much.
It would all end up being very bitchy and cranky! Haha
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Something personal
I didn't know myself till after the war broke out in former Yugoslavia.
Some people may think that's weird.
My parents are born in Bosnia and they are Bosnian muslims.
But when they came to Sweden they kinda adapted to the Swedish way of living.
I've always eaten ham and muslims aren't supposed to eat pork, but I don't really
see why not. Some muslims drink and do worse things than eat ham.
Each to their own I'd say.
But what made me stop calling myself muslim were other muslims around me.
I used to have loads of turkish/kurdish friends who classed themselves as "real muslims"
and they said I was not a real muslim. I was young and confused and never really understood.
Some people pray 5 times a day some don't pray at all.
I have my reasons why I don't pray anymore. (I used to pray to "God" every night),
but bad things happened to me in the past and I lost faith.
I don't judge other people like people judged me.
Some of my family members are still "muslims"
and they celebrate Eid or Bajram like we call it in Bosnia.
And to them I want to say "Eid Mubarak" and may all your loved ones be well and happy.
D...........
I have not posted anything for a few days.
I guess the last post was quite heavy and I needed a few days to think about it.
I am so greatful to you guys. For being so caring and understanding :)
It means alot to me. More than you can imagine.
I have been through a bad period lately. I've not told all of you what happened
over a month ago. I told some of you and you have all helped.
Some don't know the whole story.
I have decided to talk about it now. On here.
One Tuesday afternoon I was sat in work and tried to concentrate, but I could not.
I had not been sleeping properly for weeks. I lost concentration at work and I found myself
having troubles breathing at times. So bad that I had to leave the room and calm down.
People that usually made me laugh started to annoy me.
I was not enjoying being around my own boyfriend or my friends.
That Tuesday afternoon I just broke down. I went out of the office and called Ads.
He told me to go home. I stayed home for two days. Went to the doctor on the Friday and broke down infront of him. I could not stop crying. I did not even know why I was crying. I'm usually so strong and don't let things get to me.
The doctor diagnosed me with depression.. He told me to have 4 weeks off work, but I said "No! I can't have 4 weeks off work". Again thinking of all the people I would be letting down. And forgetting about me.
So I said 2 weeks would be enough. He gave me some anti depressants too..
I felt so lost and confused when I left the doctors and I called Ads..
He could not understand it.. How could his girlfriend be depressed?
He was not the only one though.
A friend said "But you seem so happy"..
I don't know what or how it happened. You never know with depression. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. I felt so sad and weak.
But now I have started to come back to normality.
I don't stress about things as much anymore.
I realised that I am more important than targets at work or friends with issues that I could not help with.
I usually put myself last. And that's something I've done all my life.
It's hard for me to think about me first.. But it is something I've started doing now.
I used to think that's selfish, but it's ok to be selfish sometimes.
Especially when it affects your health, then it is time to stop and think about what is right for you.
Some friends have been so supportive and understanding and I thank you all.
For being there when I needed someone to talk to, but also for not asking me how I was :)
And for understanding when I did not want to talk at all.
I'm not 100% recovered, but I know that everything will be alright in the end.
And I now know that there is nothing wrong with being depressed..
It is not something you can "snap out of".. No matter how much you wish you could.
Time is all I need. And understanding.
Wanting
I have a wish that I'm too scared to speak out loud. Because if I do.. I'm scared it won't come true.
I had my chance years ago, but I gave it away.. Not intentionally. I was too weak to fight then.
To say what I really felt.. My life would have been different now.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I still have not forgiven myself for it.
9 years have passed, but the pain is still fresh inside my body and soul.
I still want it for myself.. But it is difficult. Something is not right. I can feel it. I know it.
Other people around me get the chance that I gave up. Will I have that chance again?
I'm thinking that maybe I had my chance and I blew it. Maybe I wont have that chance again..
I might not deserve it again.
And it tears me apart. Writing this hurts so much. I can't breathe because I am scared..
What if I can't be what I want to be the most in this world...
(Pictures from Google)
Incompetence
Evil Doctor!
I went to the doctors this morning. Early. 8.20am to be exact.
It was my usual Dr that saw me today.. Last time I went it was someone else.
I liked the other Dr because he took me seriously. He listened to me and he diagnosed me with something I've been coping with for the last month...
So when I sat there today for less than 10 mins...
My so called Dr said something that made me feel so stupid and even more confused than I already am :(
Arent Dr's supposed to help us?
I also asked for some other advice/help,
but he kinda blew me off and said let's see when you come back in 3 months..
I was fuming when I left.
I wish I had seen the other Dr.
Might have to call them and demand to see him.
