Karolina Keric

I have not posted anything for a few days.
I guess the last post was quite heavy and I needed a few days to think about it.

I am so greatful to you guys. For being so caring and understanding :)
It means alot to me. More than you can imagine.

I have been through a bad period lately. I've not told all of you what happened
over a month ago. I told some of you and you have all helped.
Some don't know the whole story.

I have decided to talk about it now. On here.

One Tuesday afternoon I was sat in work and tried to concentrate, but I could not.
I had not been sleeping properly for weeks. I lost concentration at work and I found myself
having troubles breathing at times. So bad that I had to leave the room and calm down.
People that usually made me laugh started to annoy me.
I was not enjoying being around my own boyfriend or my friends.
That Tuesday afternoon I just broke down. I went out of the office and called Ads.
He told me to go home. I stayed home for two days. Went to the doctor on the Friday and broke down infront of him. I could not stop crying. I did not even know why I was crying. I'm usually so strong and don't let things get to me.
The doctor diagnosed me with depression.. He told me to have 4 weeks off work, but I said "No! I can't have 4 weeks off work". Again thinking of all the people I would be letting down. And forgetting about me.
So I said 2 weeks would be enough. He gave me some anti depressants too..
I felt so lost and confused when I left the doctors and I called Ads..
He could not understand it.. How could his girlfriend be depressed?
He was not the only one though.
A friend said "But you seem so happy"..

I don't know what or how it happened. You never know with depression. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. I felt so sad and weak.

But now I have started to come back to normality.
I don't stress about things as much anymore.
I realised that I am more important than targets at work or friends with issues that I could not help with.

I usually put myself last. And that's something I've done all my life.

It's hard for me to think about me first.. But it is something I've started doing now.
I used to think that's selfish, but it's ok to be selfish sometimes.
Especially when it affects your health, then it is time to stop and think about what is right for you.

Some friends have been so supportive and understanding and I thank you all.
For being there when I needed someone to talk to, but also for not asking me how I was :)
And for understanding when I did not want to talk at all.

I'm not 100% recovered, but I know that everything will be alright in the end.

And I now know that there is nothing wrong with being depressed..
It is not something you can "snap out of".. No matter how much you wish you could.
Time is all I need. And understanding.