I blogged quite a lot when I started with the IVF. It was a while ago. 

Feels like an eternity. When the first go failed I was quite upset, but I
somehow knew it wouldn't work then. I just didnt expect it. We had so much going
on back then and I guess it was a stressful time. 

They always say don't stress, it's not good for you.. Easier said than done!!
So when we had our 2nd go and it was a frozen embryo transfer, I didn't tell anyone.
Not even my mum or Ads' mum. We were the only ones who knew.

I took the needles again as advised and some tablets each day for weeks..
The needles are the worst :( They still get to me..
It hurts a lot at times, but then some times I can barely feel it..
But it's not the pain that bothers me.. It's the idea of me doing this weird thing to myself.
Just doesn't feel right. Hard to explain..
No one can understand what I'm going through at the moment.
(Apart from other women that are going through IVF or have done in the past)
I hate when people say "It'll happen when you least expect it".. NO IT BLOODY WON'T!!

I know people try to be nice and understanding, but they have no idea so I rather not hear it
at all..

We had 2 frozen eggs put in last year in Dec and they told us to take a pregnancy test
on the 23rd. 1 day before X-mas eve and 2 days before X-mas day.. 
I so wanted to tell my mum she would finally become a grandmother. 
Finally be able to tell family and friends that it's our turn now..

I woke up early that morning. I was so nervous. I had one of them new digital
tests.. Did what I needed and me and Ads sat there in the bedroom waiting to see if it would
say "Pregnant" or "Not pregnant".. And 2-3 minutes later there it was...

"NOT PREGNANT"... Something died in me at that moment... I started crying so much
and Ads held me in his arms and tried to comfort me. I felt like such a failure..
I know it's not my fault and it's all luck I guess if it happens through IVF.
I don't know, but at that minute I felt like nothing. Empty. Broken. Sad.

Told my mum and she said there's nothing we can do and that we will just have to
try again and that made me feel a bit better. 

So we are now on our 3rd go. I will keep you posted. I will not give up.
We will have our baby one day. We both have hope and each other :) 


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