D...........

I have not posted anything for a few days.
I guess the last post was quite heavy and I needed a few days to think about it.

I am so greatful to you guys. For being so caring and understanding :)
It means alot to me. More than you can imagine.

I have been through a bad period lately. I've not told all of you what happened
over a month ago. I told some of you and you have all helped.
Some don't know the whole story.

I have decided to talk about it now. On here.

One Tuesday afternoon I was sat in work and tried to concentrate, but I could not.
I had not been sleeping properly for weeks. I lost concentration at work and I found myself
having troubles breathing at times. So bad that I had to leave the room and calm down.
People that usually made me laugh started to annoy me.
I was not enjoying being around my own boyfriend or my friends.
That Tuesday afternoon I just broke down. I went out of the office and called Ads.
He told me to go home. I stayed home for two days. Went to the doctor on the Friday and broke down infront of him. I could not stop crying. I did not even know why I was crying. I'm usually so strong and don't let things get to me.
The doctor diagnosed me with depression.. He told me to have 4 weeks off work, but I said "No! I can't have 4 weeks off work". Again thinking of all the people I would be letting down. And forgetting about me.
So I said 2 weeks would be enough. He gave me some anti depressants too..
I felt so lost and confused when I left the doctors and I called Ads..
He could not understand it.. How could his girlfriend be depressed?
He was not the only one though.
A friend said "But you seem so happy"..

I don't know what or how it happened. You never know with depression. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. I felt so sad and weak.

But now I have started to come back to normality.
I don't stress about things as much anymore.
I realised that I am more important than targets at work or friends with issues that I could not help with.

I usually put myself last. And that's something I've done all my life.

It's hard for me to think about me first.. But it is something I've started doing now.
I used to think that's selfish, but it's ok to be selfish sometimes.
Especially when it affects your health, then it is time to stop and think about what is right for you.

Some friends have been so supportive and understanding and I thank you all.
For being there when I needed someone to talk to, but also for not asking me how I was :)
And for understanding when I did not want to talk at all.

I'm not 100% recovered, but I know that everything will be alright in the end.

And I now know that there is nothing wrong with being depressed..
It is not something you can "snap out of".. No matter how much you wish you could.
Time is all I need. And understanding. 

 


Kommentarer
Postat av: phil

i've pondered for 10mins now as to what to write. To be honest i don't know what i should write. Its no big deal having depression, its a common thing nowadays and its a good thing you took a positive step to fight it. I'm sure your Ads will do everything he can to support you and get you through it. Don't read this as a feeling sorry reply, thats why i pondered so long as to what to write- everything i thought of writing sounded like sympathy. Speak soon.

2009-10-30 @ 23:22:36
Postat av: phil

F*ck it! I wrote that on my mobile and it took ages, but suddenly disappeared when i clicked the post button and my internet closed itself! I'm sooo glad it posted ok! Take care.

2009-10-30 @ 23:28:43
Postat av: Malin J

Starkt gjort att skriva detta inlägget!



Styrkekramar till dig!

2009-10-31 @ 10:12:41
Postat av: Karolina

Tack sa mycket Malin :) Jag kande att det var dags att beratta. Ha en fin helg. Kram



Thank you Phil means alot to me that you understand and I did not take it as you felt sorry for me :) I am getting better each day. Especially with the support I get from you guys and Ads. Have a lovely weekend.

2009-10-31 @ 14:24:37
URL: http://karrociri.blogg.se/
Postat av: Anonym

I wasn't sure what to write either :p



It's lovely that you feel you're getting better. I lost contact with a friend of mine a while ago who suffered from depression. It made me very sad.



Recently speaking to her, she found her own way of coping, and I'm glad you have your own too.



It was a bit of a mystery what happened to you, but I'm glad you've shared it with us :)



All too often people put on a happy front and I think it just makes it worse for them.



see you around :)

As always, you have our support and well wishes.



2009-10-31 @ 19:21:39
Postat av: GrönKanin

Hejsan Karolina/Ciri!

(Hoppas att du kan komma på vem jag är)

Samma sak som phil, jag vet inte vad jag ska säga. Tycker det är starkt av dig att berätta det för oss här! Jag är glad att du mår bättre och att du blir bättre för varje dag som går, och jag hoppas att du vet att du har allas support, inte bara min, Ads och några enstaka personer, utan du har ALLAS support!



Hoppas att vi ses igen på UKCS senare i veckan, är så kul att vara med dig! (Förlåt för den långa kommentaren, det bara blev så mycket att berätta)



MVH: GreenWabbitz/GrönKanin/Oscar

2009-11-01 @ 00:16:28

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